Emotionally Mature Couples Often Use 7 Phrases When They're Upset With Each Other
mavo | Shutterstock Being in a relationship means that sometimes you're going to be upset with each other. However, getting through that conflict is where emotional maturity comes in.
Emotionally mature couples argue differently, and that means the words they use in an argument aren't designed to hurt. When they are upset with each other, they know being right isn't part of the path forward.
Phrases healthy and emotionally mature couples use when they argue:
1. 'Help me understand this better'
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There are going to be times when you simply don't understand how your partner came to a particular conclusion or why they're deciding to behave a certain way. However, healthy couples dive deeper to discover the why, because that's how they grow and strengthen their relationship.
Emotionally mature couples truly take their time to understand each other. They ask for clarity to try to bring you closer together, especially when one person is upset.
2. 'I can see why that hurt you'
This one is really all about showing empathy. When you acknowledge that you can see why you hurt your partner, that goes a long way.
It's less about taking unwarranted blame and instead acknowledging that you are empathizing with your partner's upset feelings.
3. 'The story I'm telling myself right now is...'
In a partnership, you have to be willing to discuss what's going on in your inner world. That means you have to be open and honest about what you're thinking in that moment.
This phrase, then, allows the couple to be vulnerable with each other, get a glimpse into how they are interpreting what's going on, and look for alignment, as too often couples are more comfortable just accusing each other.
4. 'What I'm actually afraid of is...'
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In moments of conflict, it can be really easy to mask vulnerability with anger, projecting all of that pent-up emotion onto the other person. However, an emotionally mature couple knows that what might really be going on is actually fear.
Fear is an incredibly vulnerable emotion to expose, especially to the ones you hold close, because you fear they might judge you. But when you do admit that you're afraid, you're actually doing the emotionally mature thing of helping to communicate your needs in a healthier way than if you just let anger take over.
5. 'You're right about that'
Being able to take accountability is a surefire sign of an emotionally mature couple. They know they don't have to become defensive or feel exposed. They simply acknowledge that they did something wrong.
It can be really difficult to admit when someone else is right, especially if we feel like we might've been justified in the heat of the moment. However, being able to step back and realize that it's not always about you, and that you have to be willing to own up to upsetting someone else is the emotionally mature thing to do.
6. 'I can see how my behavior contributed to this'
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Again, with accountability, a healthy couple is able to understand who played a part in what happened and that they must own up to their roles. It's not necessarily about their actual wrongdoing. It's more about expressing that they know they did something wrong right from the get-go.
This tells the other person their feelings have been recognized. They aren't forced to demand or defend. What's more emotionally mature than anticipating your partner's emotional needs?
7. 'Can we start this conversation over?'
Even the healthiest couples will throw temper tantrums once in a while. The difference is that emotionally mature couples will wipe the slate clean and start over because that's where healing happens. You're not always going to be correct about things right away, and an emotionally mature couple knows that.
To help mitigate the effects of this, the partners are more willing to maintain self-awareness and ask for a fresh start in how they communicate an issue to each other. This phrase is a great way to hit that reset button.
Luke Aliga is a writer with a degree in Technical Writing and Communication who covers relationships, culture, and human-interest topics.
