People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Unavailable Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Marina Demidiuk / Shutterstock People who are mentally and emotionally unavailable might be incredibly easy to talk to, but they're also nearly impossible to actually get close to.
The language they say casually reveals how uncomfortable they are with letting other people see what's going on underneath the surface. While these phrases aren't immediately red flags, they're clues that someone's keeping their emotional distance.
The phrases people who are mentally and emotionally unavailable use to keep loved ones from getting too close:
1. 'I don't talk about stuff like that'
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Even if the other person has good intentions, people who are emotionally closed off sometimes pull the emergency brake in a conversation that goes a little deeper than usual. When things get a little too close to talking about their feelings, they put an end to it and attempt to redirect to a safer subject.
Some people genuinely need more time before they are willing to open up, but when someone consistently uses this phrase to shut down anything personal or vulnerable, it can signal that they'd rather keep others at a distance. They prefer lighter chats over talking about things that feel too dangerous.
2. 'I'm not good with feelings'
Rather than trying to understand how they feel or explain what's going on, people who keep even their closest friends and family at arm's length shrug and just declare themselves bad with emotions. They are uncomfortable when naming and dealing with their feelings, so they prefer to avoid them altogether.
Being emotionally available requires some willingness to talk about what's going on inside, even if it feels awkward. When someone constantly uses this phrase, they may be telling you, pretty plainly, that they're setting a boundary by keeping things light.
3. 'It doesn't have to be that deep'
This is the kind of phrase that keeps a normal conversation from getting too real. If you mention feelings to someone who tends to avoid emotional closeness, they start acting as if they landed in an unwanted therapy session.
In reality, most people don't always have the right words to identify or explain what's going on in their heads, but this can actually help them bond with others. Having emotions can get messy, and that's something pretty much everyone can relate to.
4. 'I don't need anyone to understand me'
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This phrase can sound independent (and maybe a little mysterious), but in many cases, it's just a form of emotional armor. People who keep their feelings bottled up don't usually want to explain what they're feeling or risk being vulnerable to somebody else. It's easier to think that nobody will ever get them than to sit down and actually share what's going on.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be understood on their own terms, but what they are actually doing is discouraging people from getting too close.
5. 'I like keeping things casual'
Maintaining surface-level connections is ideal for people who are guarded with their emotions. They don't want to overcomplicate relationships or put a label on every single interaction they have because it means opening up about things they'd rather keep private.
To them, casual means withholding all vulnerability and any indication that they care too much. They sometimes enjoy having people in their life, as long as they keep a safe amount of emotional distance.
6. 'I'm fine on my own'
This kind of comment is a sneaky way of keeping people at a safe distance. Someone who struggles with emotional closeness may feel more comfortable handling things alone than admitting they could use support or a little bit of help. Depending on others means laying themselves bare, and that's exactly what they're trying to avoid.
They might mask it as enjoying their own company, and sometimes they genuinely do. The red flag is when nobody else can break through that wall of self-sufficiency.
7. 'I don't want to put a label on it'
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A laid-back phrase on the surface, it's also a clever method of dodging any conversation about commitment. People who have difficulty forming connections may enjoy the attention right up until things start getting serious. Then, suddenly, defining the relationship becomes an emergency they can't handle.
There's nothing wrong with taking time to let things progress naturally (at least when both involved parties are on the same page about it), but keeping things deliberately vague because they don't want to make a choice? That's cruel and unfair.
8. 'I don't know what you want me to say'
When a discussion starts getting a little too real, people who are mentally and emotionally unavailable rely on this to pivot away from having to answer honestly. They toss the question back at the other person, as if there must be some perfect response they're failing to find.
Rather than taking a guess or admitting how they feel, they put the responsibility on another person to somehow make the conversation easier for them.
9. 'You're overthinking this'
This is a convenient way to shut down without actually addressing what someone is saying. They don't engage with the actual concern because they frame the other person as being in the wrong for bringing it up in the first place.
If this is how people who are emotionally closed off always respond when things get uncomfortable, they're just avoiding taking accountability for their behavior. They just shrug things off without actually helping to resolve anything.
Kayla Asbach is a writer with a bachelor's degree from the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
