Highly Manipulative Men Hope You Never Figure Out 9 Specific Ways They Toy With Your Heart & Mind
DexonDee / Shutterstock Men who are highly manipulative can be hard to spot, especially once you've formed a strong emotional or physical connection with them.
Successful manipulators leave you guessing and make it seem like their reactions to your reactions to their poor behavior are all your fault. The fact that it becomes difficult to see things clearly is no accident, as these men deliberately make the signs hard to spot. They hope you'll never figure out exactly how it is that they are getting you to feel and react in ways that suit their selfish needs.
Men who are seriously manipulative do specific things to keep you from figuring them out
1. They are non-committal on purpose
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A manipulative man will do his best to avoid making plans with you. For example, he will see you maybe once a week for several, then suddenly stop making plans. Also, most of the time, the plans he does make will be on his terms, not yours. He will never be honest with you about what he really wants.
They will also be purposely vague about where they see their relationship with you going. They will offer just enough hope to keep you hanging on, but will hedge on doing things like meeting your family or making your relationship known on social media, which would make it clear they are invested in their relationship with you.
2. Their actions don't match their words
It's important to always look at a man's actions and make sure they match what he says. He might say to your face that he wants a relationship with you, but then never make plans. This is another tactic meant to mess with your head. A promise only means something when an action is taken to back it up.
A non-manipulative man will align his actions with his words. If he says he wants to see you, he will. Manipulative men will purposely say nice things without following up because they want the attention but don't want to put in any work.
3. They frequently get upset and complain
Manipulative men want control and therefore will never take accountability for their actions. They will always complain, and they tend to get pretty passive-aggressive. They will never be happy with what you do for them or what they have been given. Then, they will make it your fault.
This is a manipulation tactic to make you want to try harder to get their validation. However, it should be given without complaining.
4. They make you feel like you can't trust yourself to know what's real
Gaslighting is a major giveaway that a man is manipulative. If he twists his actions to make you the villain, then he is highly manipulative. If he can't take accountability or makes you feel like you have done something wrong (when you haven't), then he is gaslighting you. Or, if he makes you feel like you are emotionally unsound, unsafe, or makes you question reality, then he is gaslighting you as well.
It is hard to spot gaslighting, especially when a man slowly begins to do it over time. The good news is that it is possible, but it requires stepping back and assessing the situation.
5. They isolate you from family and friends
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Manipulative men want control. To control their partner, they will do their best to isolate them from their friends and family. It can start with little things, like making you believe that a family member or friend is actually a bad person. or not. They will also make you feel guilty for spending time with your loved ones because they want you to be the only person they talk to.
This is a manipulation tactic they use so you don't have any outside voices telling you the truth, which is that they are being manipulative and harmful to you.
6. They refuse to take accountability
Not taking accountability is a huge tell-tale that a man is manipulative. He will then try to place the blame on you, even when you did nothing wrong.
This goes back to the need for control. They will try to control the narrative whenever they can, meaning they will never take accountability. They want to seem like the good guy in their heads, so they will make you the villain.
7. They give you ultimatums
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A manipulative man may use threats to control your decisions and keep you from leaving the relationship. This often happens when he senses that you recognize his behavior and may be pulling away. To maintain control, he might threaten to end the relationship or even threaten himself or others.
These threats are often intended to pressure you into staying rather than respecting your choices. It is another control method that makes you feel like you are the problem.
8. They love-bomb you
Love-bombing is so common in the modern dating world because of texting and social media. Constant communication can lead to love-bombing very early in a relationship. However, it's important to watch out for it.
It is easy to get excited when a man is telling you validating things, especially when it's so soon after meeting, but it's also a major red flag. He is trying to speed up the relationship so you feel more attached to him. A man should make you feel wanted, but not like he is trying to trap you.
9. They humiliate you in public
Respect is vital to a relationship. If a man mocks or embarrasses you in public, he is trying to keep you from being able to recognize that he is actually a manipulator. He may even spread rumors about you that you are unaware of.
Most manipulators won't do this in private, making it more confusing for the other person. It also leads the other person to feel like they always have to defend their partner to their friends and family.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
