Smart Women Do 10 Things Differently Than All The Rest When A Man Treats Them Poorly
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock When I was younger, I saw a girl whose ex-boyfriend had been on his knees begging for her back. He was crying, pleading, borderline yelling for a second chance. She looked at him and calmly told him that he was embarrassing himself. He left.
My jaw was on the floor. I would have done anything for my then-boyfriend to behave that way after he treated me poorly. As I got older, I realized why he behaved the way he did and why she didn’t take him back. She was a smart woman. Smart women treat men who don’t treat them well differently.
Smart women do 10 things differently than all the rest when a man treats them poorly
1. They leave when they see the first red flags
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Everyone likes to think they can spot a man who will treat them badly, but few of those men actually show their colors right off the bat. This isn’t always easy to do. A study from the NIH notes that a lot of warning signs of future intimate violence can start off looking cute or extra protective at the start.
Red flags don’t mean “approach with caution.” Red means stop immediately. While it's not always easy to spot a man who will treat women badly, many times it is. Smart women are extra leery of their dates and keep an eye out for warning signs and run when they see them.
2. They match energy
Many men tend to try to disrespect women or get distant in order to make a woman chase after them. This is partly due to the constant barrage of Red Pill influencers who encourage men to play mind games in order to manipulate women. This advice doesn’t work long-term and often ends up harming men’s insecurities more than it helps them.
Of course, this mindset hurts women more than it does men because this technique is designed to make women undervalue themselves. But smart women don’t chase after a guy because he gets distant, because they don’t want a partner who treats them like an option.
3. If they get 'dread gamed,' it’s game over
Another common way bad men mistreat good women is called “dread gaming.” This is a technique that is used to make women think that a guy is about to dump them. The idea is that it will encourage the woman to be more attentive to his needs.
Women who refuse to tolerate the feeling of hanging on by a thread are smart. They will often try to confront the guy. If he can’t talk it out or explain the issue, she’ll be quick to walk. After all, rewarding that behavior will not turn out well for her.
4. They stop talking immediately when the conversation gets inappropriate
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Most women have had experiences with men who get inappropriate on the phone, going from 0 to 60 in under five minutes. It’s not a pleasant thing. It’s also not a respectful way to behave with a person who wants to date you.
Men know when they’re being inappropriate, gross, or crass with a woman. They also know it’s not okay. However, they will apologize and try to get women to be okay with it if need be. Smart women know that men often view any attention as a “win,” so they remove the reward by not talking to them.
5. They don’t automatically blame the other woman
Let’s be real. If you’ve been cheated on, it’s hard not to hate the other woman. Studies show that women are more likely to blame the other woman than they are their wandering husband.
This makes sense on an emotional level. You don’t want to blame the person you love. You want to blame someone else. It hurts less.
The problem is that your man did not get kidnapped and put into a burlap sack. He chose to wander of his own volition. If that’s what he chose, he should be the one you blame the most. It was his decision.
6. They listen to women who try to warn them.
If you’re a woman on the internet, chances are that you’ve seen memes and slogans about believing women. There’s a reason that is a meme: many people don’t believe women when they try to warn others about a man’s bad behavior or reputation.
Though there are women who have a mean streak and might enjoy reputational damage towards an ex, the truth is that it’s rarely the case. Women generally do try to warn others about abusive men. That’s why certain Facebook groups exist.
7. They recognize disrespect when it happens
True story: I have a hard time recognizing when a man is being purposefully disrespectful. Like many women, I constantly second-guess myself. I wonder if I’m overreacting or exaggerating things in my mind. This is not unusual. Many women have been socialized to assume the best or even try to teach men how to be decent people.
Here’s the hint you might need to hear: men know when they’re disrespectful. It’s true. They are just trying to see how far they can push you. Smart women recognize disrespect and call it out immediately.
8. They don't automatically give anyone the benefit of the doubt
We all have that one person we tend to be a little more lax with, at least in terms of how they treat us. For some of us, it’s a parent, like a mother. For others, it tends to be the person we date.
Women are often socialized to give men the benefit of the doubt or give men a chance. Giving a man a chance might sound like a noble thing, but the truth is that it’s not doing anyone any favors. More often than not, the woman is not attracted to him, and the man in question doesn’t deserve that chance.
9. They insist on clear boundaries and expectations
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If you’ve been online in the relationship sphere, you probably have heard all the buzz about healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the bare bones of what you are willing to tolerate. Smart women tell men precisely what they expect and won’t tolerate in a relationship.
Oh, but almost everyone does that. What not everyone does is enforce it. A woman who actually cuts things off when she realizes a guy is trying to invade her boundaries is smart. The hard part, of course, is dealing with the social pressure to forgive bad partners even when it’s not worth it.
10. They never go back after a breakup
Smart women break up without ever considering the option of going back to the guy who mistreated them. In other words, once she’s gone, that’s it. You will likely never hear from her again.
Breakups might happen faster with smart women, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t hurt. Still, most dating-smart women tend to be ready to pull the proverbial trigger without looking back.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
