If Your Grandchild Does These 11 Things Without Help, Their Parents Did A Really Good Job Raising Them
Irina WS / Shutterstock There’s no separating parental influence from the development of kids, whether it’s on a cognitive, emotional, social, or physical level.
However, in the modern world, where many parents are experiencing more emotional turmoil, chronic stress, and anxiety, it’s easy to overlook the way their own coping mechanisms are harming their kids. As a grandparent with deep ties to their adult kids and their grandchildren, addressing the root causes of their struggles is even harder. So, if your grandchild does these things without help, they’re ahead of other kids, and their parents also did a really good job raising them.
If your grandchild does these 11 things without help, their parents did a really good job raising them
1. They regulate their complex emotions
Kids learn to regulate their emotions from their parents, especially from father figures, according to psychologist Dr. Angelica Shiels. They don’t learn from logical conversations or deep talks about their feelings all the time, but through modeled behavior and practice in hard situations. Whether it’s growing into independence or being able to play outside alone without constant supervision, a child’s emotional regulation stems from their parents.
Considering so many more parents today are grappling with anxiety around parenting and the safety of their kids, it’s not surprising that their overbearing mentality is sabotaging kids' ability to regulate their own emotions. So, if you notice your grandchildren reaffirming themselves and coping with uncertainty with grace, that’s just as much of a “win” for their parents.
2. They meet and greet people easily
Even though many kids today are grappling with social anxiety and isolation caused by too much screen time and mindless entertainment, kids with the freedom of independence, unstructured play, and phone limits may be more equipped for comfortable social interactions.
Even if it’s straying somewhat away from the “gentle” parenting styles that encourage kids to seek approval or safe spaces from others, and instead teaching them to cultivate internal resilience and emotional intelligence, their social skills are a superpower.
3. They make mistakes and learn from them
When kids learn to make mistakes and seek out challenges, that’s the kind of discomfort that truly prompts personal growth and development. However, when parents make their kids feel guilty or wrong for making mistakes, they often get defensive when they don’t understand something and shy away from the challenges they need to grow into better people.
So, if your grandchild regularly seeks out newness, makes mistakes with grace, and seems to take a lesson from all of the discomfort they face, their parents are doing a better job than it might seem. They’re teaching their kids the importance of learning and never being too caught up in their self-image that they’re afraid to make a mistake, ask for help, or do something wrong.
4. They say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’
If your grandchild expresses gratitude with “thank you” and always leads with basic manners like saying “please” when asking for something, they’re doing better than most kids. Especially considering that manners and beliefs often come directly from parents at impressionable ages, their parents also deserve praise for their respectful, intentional behavior.
Even though they seem like basic manners for most older generations, a study published in the Social Psychology Quarterly found that the number of people who regularly say “please” and “thank you” is steadily decreasing across our society. Whether it’s rising rates of narcissism and entitlement, or a general lack of knowledge growing up about social etiquette, it’s a rare behavior that not every kid is silently accustomed to.
5. They ask for help
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Even if they’re willing to lean into challenge and try things they don’t know how to do, being able to ask for help without trying to do everything all on their own is also a superpower in kids. Of course, it’s rarely easy or comfortable to admit we need help, according to a Stanford study, but it also allows us to learn and bond with the people around us on a deeper level.
That’s why kids who ask for help are so well-connected socially. They make other people feel important and valued by asking them for help, while simultaneously building their own humility, positive self-image, and opportunities to learn.
6. They patiently wait for the things they want
Too much screen time or a reliance on phones for comfort and entertainment can often lead to impatience and a desire for instant gratification in kids. So, if parents are always putting screens in front of a kid’s face for their own convenience and to cater to their kids’ wishes, there’s a chance they’re sabotaging their ability to regulate emotions, wait, and be patient.
So, if you notice a grandchild’s ability to take no with grace and wait for what they want, whether it’s saving for a toy or sitting in boredom for a few moments, their parents are doing something differently to benefit their kids. They’re teaching them the strength of patience and resilience, even if it means working through more discomfort personally right now.
7. They include others
Part of the reason why empathetic kids are willing to include people is that their parents taught them to put themselves in others' shoes. While other modern parenting styles and ideas center on kids’ feelings and needs, creating more entitled mentalities into adulthood, these great parents focus on teaching their kids the power of connection and the fulfilling meaning of compassion.
They include people they notice being left out, pull themselves out of fun conversations to help people, and aren’t afraid to set their ego aside for a few moments to support someone else. Their compassion is rooted in their mindset, usually cultivated by parental lessons and behavior, so they don’t second-guess the power of helping others.
8. They’re honest
According to a study published in Nature Human Behavior, a child’s tendency toward honesty is often mediated by trust expressed by their parents. If they feel comfortable being honest and have a safe space with their parents to ask for help when they need it, they’re not rewarded for hiding things or lying.
However, if they have incredibly disciplined, strict parents who express distrust toward their kids with rigid rules and expectations, they’re less likely to be honest and forthcoming with their parents out of fear. So, if you notice grandchildren coming up to tell you they made a mistake or being honest about situations you weren’t around to see, they were taught honesty from trusting, loving, intentional parents.
9. They take accountability for mistakes
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Because they’re not worried about whether mistakes will get them in trouble or undermine their sense of confidence, emotionally regulated kids can easily take accountability for mistakes. They don’t get defensive or avoidant, trying to hide evidence of mistakes, because their parents have created a safe space for productive conversations and learning opportunities instead of anger.
Of course, discipline and consequences are often equally important for childhood development, but that doesn’t mean they have to be centered around anger, immaturity, and fear.
10. They comfortably spend time alone
Whether it’s navigating boredom on their own or making time with their own hobbies, parents who raise kids who are comfortable spending time alone are raising truly thoughtful, well-rounded children. Not only does alone time cultivate self-reliance, creativity, and emotional resilience in kids, but it also provides healthy spaces for reflection, regulation, and rest into adulthood.
However, most kids learn to avoid alone time from their parents, who can’t spend time in their own company. They learn to fear the quietness of solitude and being with their own thoughts, even if it comes at the expense of their emotional stability, rest, and individual identities.
11. They think through problems on their own
Parental decisions and routines can greatly impact a child’s cognitive development over their most impressionable years. From modeling behavior by reading themselves or reading to their kids before bed, to avoiding the allure of instant gratification and mindless entertainment, parental habits and routines teach their kids what to care about.
So, if a child is thinking through problems on their own and finding value in challenges, there’s a chance their cognitive superpowers come from parental decisions and intentional habits, like reading, that set them up for success.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
