Grandmother Warns Of The Big Mistake Grandparents Make With Their Daughters-In-Law That Impacts The Relationship With Their Grandkids
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock To help grandparents who might feel isolated from their grandkids, one grandmother offered advice that seems obvious but is often overlooked. If grandparents want to see their grandkids more often, they need to build healthy relationships with their daughters-in-law.
There's something really special about becoming a grandparent. But just like any other new chapter in life, it can come with its own set of challenges. Family dynamics can get quite complicated, as everyone involved is figuring out their new roles in real time. Grandma Maria pointed out in a TikTok video that mother-in-law drama isn't always just a stereotype, and a strained relationship with a son's spouse can seriously affect seeing grandkids.
A grandma explained that grandparents must build relationships with their daughters-in-law if they want to see their grandkids.
"Here's what I want to say today. I've been getting a lot of comments from grandmothers asking me, and I've gotten four in the past week. Why? What are they supposed to do? And why does their daughter-in-law spend more time with her parents and the kids?" a grandmother named Maria began in a TikTok video, addressing the plethora of comments she's gotten from other grandparents.
Basically, grandparents have been seeking out Maria's advice on what to do about their grandkids spending much more time with their other set of grandparents. Many grandparents questioned what they should do to counteract that, so they're also spending equal time with their grandkids.
Maria explained that it's not rocket science at all and that grandparents should probably start building a closer relationship with their daughters-in-law. Because without that close relationship, she'll continue prioritizing time with her own parents and the kids.
If grandparents don't foster a relationship with their daughters-in-law, she'll be less inclined to visit.
"Kids live their lives in proximity with their parents. So if the mom has them going to the grocery store, the kids go to the grocery store. You going to get gas in the car, the kids are going to get gas in the car; you going to see your parents, the kids are going to see her parents," Maria pointed out.
She continued, "And if you don't care to have a relationship with her like that, then you're not going to see the kids as much, that's all. That's all there is to it. It's not like a big thing. It's pretty easy. So choose."
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Maria explained that if in-laws avoid building a relationship with their son's spouse, the relationship with their grandkids won't be as fruitful as it could be. It's a pretty simple concept. Why would a daughter-in-law pop over with the kids if she doesn't feel comfortable doing it?
A psychotherapist recommended ways that grandparents can strengthen their relationships with their daughters-in-law.
Giving tips to grandparents on how they can better cultivate a relationship with their daughters-in-law, psychotherapist Roberta Shaw provided a couple of examples."A daughter-in-law tends to be the gatekeeper more than a son-in-law, and can cement or thwart the relationship with your grandchildren as well as your son," Shaw explained. "When there is tension between a mother and her daughter-in-law, the mother is most likely to lose out. A son/husband/father is more likely to support his wife's feelings than his mother's in order to preserve peace with his wife."
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She encouraged grandparents, especially grandmothers, to express interest in their daughters-in-law. That means asking about work, how her friends are doing, and if there are any new updates with her family. Shaw also insisted that grandparents should be spending more one-on-one time with their daughters-in-law, away from the kids.
On top of that, grandparents should make sure they're showering their daughters-in-law with appreciative comments and gestures about her mothering, but never give her advice. The quickest way to ruin the relationship is to give unsolicited advice about her parenting. And above all else, grandparents should be making themselves useful and reaching out to see whether their daughters-in-law need any help.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
