Proud Activist Wonders If They Should Dump Longtime Friends Who Don’t Want To Talk About Politics All The Time
Gladskikh Tatiana | Shutterstock In an increasingly polarized world, one activist wrote into The Cut’s “Going Through It” advice column after they had trouble accepting their friends’ apparent silence on politics.
We’re all pretty used to opening a social media app and rolling our eyes at an opinion we disagree with by now, so when someone chooses not to constantly broadcast their political beliefs, it can feel refreshing. But this activist thought that their friends’ lack of taking a strong stance, both on social media and in person, meant they were apathetic.
The activist thinks their friends aren’t civically engaged at all since they don’t talk about politics 24/7.
“The world is a dumpster fire, and they continue to populate their Instagram with la-di-da Stories and posts — photos of them eating dinner, traveling, generally having fun,” this person wrote. They regularly volunteer, attend protests, and donate money to causes they deem worthy themselves, but they see no evidence of their friends doing the same.
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Apparently, they’ve also shut them down when they’ve brought up political issues face-to-face. “At a birthday dinner, I started talking about a recent protest, and one person in the group said, ‘Can we please not talk about politics? This is a birthday celebration,’” they recalled. “It was said kindly, but I’ll still never forget it.”
On the one hand, if this person feels like they can no longer be a good friend, they should consider adjusting their relationships.
Writer Allison P. Davis, who answered the activist’s request for advice, acknowledged that it was possible their “resentment is insurmountable,” in which case the friendships would be suffering on both sides. “Something I have to remind myself often is that not every friend can be (or should be) for every situation,” she added.
Davis suggested that the activist look for new friends who were passionate about the same issues. This would give them the chance to determine if those new friends could fill the political hole in their heart. As Davis reminded them of their current friends, “If you can’t live without them, you have to learn with them as they are.”
In reality, friendships are nuanced. In an opinion piece for the Australian non-profit The Ethics Centre, Anna Goodman explained that there are some beliefs that are so important that being friends with people who disagree would be a deal-breaker. But, in general, cutting off everyone you don’t see eye-to-eye with would be damaging.
Maybe this activist uncovered some deal-breakers, or maybe they just aren’t keeping an open mind.
It’s possible that the activist who asked for advice really sees their friends’ apparent disinterest as something they can’t move past, but there’s also a chance they’re taking this a little too seriously. In the comments on an Instagram post about the advice column, people accused them of “performative activism,” “virtue signaling,” and "retweeting into an echo chamber.”
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Davis addressed this as well. She pointed out that the friends’ social media activity doesn’t actually reflect everything happening in their lives. They could be donating money without their friend’s knowledge, for example. As she said, “social media might make us feel like investigative reporters with psychic abilities,” but it hardly paints a full picture.
A University of Cambridge study found that Americans have become 64% more divided over politics since 1988. In some ways, this is unfortunate because it shows just how deep people’s disagreements run. At the same time, it’s impossible to agree with any other person on every single issue. If everyone agreed, society would cease to function as we know it.
Only this activist can decide if their differences with their friends are significant enough that they can’t maintain a relationship. However, experts have noted that keeping an open dialogue with people you disagree with has its benefits, so they may want to think carefully before just dumping their friends.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
