10 Signs Your Marriage Is Boring In The Best Possible Way
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock How often have you heard people whine about having a boring marriage? Oh, let me tell you. Boredom has been the cause of many people straying, as well as the cause of divorce. But is boring really that bad? Is it really that horrible that it makes you want to jump into the arms of a random person? No, it doesn’t have to be.
There is such a thing as a good type of boring. 'Good boring' is the type of quiet contentment that comes from knowing you’re home, with your person, and that you don’t have to second-guess their intentions. A good boring marriage is the goal for many of us, but how can you tell if your marriage is the right type of boring? These hints below suggest you’re good.
Here are 10 signs your marriage is boring in the best possible way
1. Your family doesn’t have to worry about how bills will be paid
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Marriage is, at the end of the day, not just a romantic declaration. It’s a business contract and a legally binding contract too. That means that money does have a role to play in marriage, even if you don’t want it to be the main focus.
Money is one of the leading causes of divorce and long-term marital struggles. Having a lifestyle that doesn’t break the bank can significantly reduce issues in your marriage. If you don’t have an issue with paying the bills, well, that’s a type of boring that you might not mind experiencing.
2. There’s no question about where you’ll sleep tomorrow
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Boring is predictable. It’s not about chasing thrills from city to city, going on tour with bands, or just trying to spice things up every day. Sometimes, boring is just knowing where you will be tomorrow and the ability to say, “Let’s go home.”
You know where you will likely be for the next five more. Most people live in one place for five to seven years. If you’re already in year 15, you’re low-key reaping a lot of rewards, including greater stability, more memories, and a stronger connection to your community. That’s a good thing for you and your family!
3. If a calamity happened, the first person you’d call is your spouse
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Imagine the following scenario: you just got hit by a car. Aside from personal injury lawyers and insurance companies, chances are the first person you’d want to call is your spouse. This seems like a no-brainer for people in stable relationships, but trust me, it’s something people take for granted.
The person you call to share news with tends to be the person you are closest to. If your spouse is the person you call up when things go a little crazy, that’s a good sign. It means they are the one who you really feel closest to—as should be normal in a marriage.
4. You and your spouse gossip together
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Speaking from someone who had an unhealthy marriage, one of the key signs that I noticed of a dying marriage is the gossip dying out. When your marriage is comfortably boring in a good way, you don’t have to worry about drama between the two of you. So, you might want to get your excitement fix by talking about others.
Gossiping between you and your spouse might seem like a bad habit, but it’s actually a good sign. It’s a sign that you trust each other enough to spill the tea, that you listen to one another, and that you’re not preoccupied with issues going on in your relationship. Studies even back this up: gossip is good for married couples.
5. Shopping for groceries is predictable for both of you
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As a person who tends to bond with people over grocery trips, I’ve often noticed that grocery shopping is a major tell in a relationship. When you’re in a happily boring relationship, you slip into a routine, even with the food that you buy.
A happily boring routine means that you know what to get at the store for your partner. You know which brand of bread they eat, what type of soda they can’t stand, and what they like for a quick dinner. It’s a sign that you have a routine when it comes to food and that you both care about each other enough to know what not to buy.
6. Date nights are still a given
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Let’s start with a given: date nights are great for your marriage. Studies have shown that having a date night when you have younger kids makes you more likely to remain in your relationship. They give you time to get close and bond with your partner, which is why so many therapists suggest them to struggling couples.
What most people don’t realize is that happy, boring marriages can include date nights. A boring marriage means predictability, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be bored. Most long-lasting marriages remain resilient because both partners understand the importance of those bonding activities.
7. Though your attraction isn’t always fiery, you can wait through it
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A lot of modern relationships end when people stop feeling the spark, even if everything else is perfectly fine. Believe it or not, this isn’t supposed to be the way marriage works. In any normal romantic relationship, the crazy butterflies in your stomach feeling you get will eventually fade out.
Healthy relationships aren’t always whirlwind moments and thrills. That’s okay. Real, long-term, sustainable attraction ebbs and flows. If you have a happy boring relationship, you already know this and are okay with just feeling friendship vibes once in a while.
8. If you have an argument, you don’t freak out
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Believe it or not, happy boring marriages still can have arguments. In fact, arguments can help a couple get stronger. While no one likes to argue, the truth is that it’s better than just bottling stuff up. In a boring marriage, couples don’t have explosive freakouts during their arguments.
Psychologist Moshe Ratson notes that happy couples who are likely to stay together are great at arguing in a constructive, healthy manner. If you are able to confront issues head-on without stonewalling, screaming, or going totally flat, that’s a good sign you’re in a great marriage.
9. People regularly say they wish they had a marriage like yours
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Speaking as someone who was in an unhappy marriage, I can honestly say that people who don’t have good marriages envy those who do. If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship, you probably have even told others that you’ve wished you could have a love like theirs.
People generally don’t say something like that without actually meaning it. If they wish they had the type of secure relationship you have, take that seriously. That’s a sign that you’re doing something right.
10. You don’t feel the need to cling to your partner for dear life
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Most people have seen what an unhealthy relationship looks like. One of the most common signs is when one previously secure, confident partner suddenly starts showing their insecurity. That’s a sign that suggests that one partner might be causing the other to consciously or unconsciously hate themselves.
Unhealthy relationships get clingy because one partner feels like they don’t really know if the other partner hates them. In a healthy, boring relationship, you never have to worry about knowing how the other partner feels. You just know. You don’t do the panic moves of a clingy partner. There’s no need to. That’s what makes it a happy type of boring.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
