2 Things People Decide About You Within Seconds Of Meeting You, According To Harvard Researchers
Karsten Winegeart | Unsplash According to Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, along with psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick, when it comes to first impressions, there are two things people almost always judge others on within seconds of meeting them.
First impressions can mean a lot in shaping how relationships form and how people perceive you. Despite the fact that we're constantly told not to judge a book by its cover, we also can't help but make snap judgments when meeting someone new.
Harvard researchers say people decide whether they can trust you and respect you right away.
Amy Cuddy, who has been studying first impressions alongside fellow psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick for more than 15 years, actually discovered patterns in these interactions. In her book, "Presence," Cuddy said that people quickly answer two questions right when they meet you. One, can I trust this person? And two, can I respect this person?
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In an interview with Wired, Cuddy explained, "We're judging how warm and trustworthy the person is, and that’s trying to answer the question, 'What are this person's intentions toward me?' And we're also asking ourselves, 'How strong and competent is this person?'"
Psychologists say these questions test warmth and competence, respectively.
Cuddy explained that most people, especially in a professional setting, believe that competence is the more important factor. This isn't surprising, considering they want to ensure you're capable of handling matters in a business sense.
But warmth, or trustworthiness, is the most important factor in how people evaluate you. Cuddy pointed out that, from an "evolutionary perspective," it is "crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust."
While competence is highly valued, Cuddy noted that it is typically evaluated only after trust is established. Focusing too much on displaying your strength can backfire. Cuddy said, for example, that MBA interns are usually so concerned about coming across as smart and competent that they end up being viewed as unapproachable and cold.
"If someone you're trying to influence doesn't trust you, you're not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative," Cuddy said. "A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you've established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat."
Being authentic is usually the secret to making good first impressions.
As cheesy as it sounds, being yourself really does matter more than trying to put on this perfect persona of someone that you're not. Authenticity is often the key to people trusting you. As long as you're showing them exactly who you are, they have no reason to doubt your intentions.
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"Authenticity is not just about perfection, but about honesty, which invites real intimacy. Let your friends and partners know who the real you is so that they can be there for you through good and bad times. It is an essential part of all relationships," encouraged psychologist Robert Castellano.
Cuddy told Wired that the easiest way to convey trust in a first meeting is simply giving the other person control. She explained, "Let the other person speak first or have the floor first. You can do this by simply asking them a question. I think people make the mistake, especially in business settings, of thinking that everything is negotiation. They think, 'I better get the floor first so that I can be in charge of what happens.' The problem with this is that you don't make the other person feel warmth toward you. Warmth is really about making the other person feel understood. They want to know that you understand them. And doing that is incredibly disarming."
The next time you're meeting someone new, don't stress about saying the right thing or about trying to prove yourself right away. Instead, focus on the connection, and when people start to trust you, everything else tends to just fall into place.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
