People Who Pick Up On These 11 Social Clues Are Rarely Bad Judges Of Character
syedfahadghazanfar / Shutterstock The way people treat others is a tell-tale sign of the type of person they are. Someone may be able to hide their true intentions with their words. They may think they are sly, blending into the background as a good person. However, they cannot hide from people who pick up on social clues.
None of us is safe from being a poor judge of character occasionally. We have been taught to give everyone a chance. It’s normal for us to see the good in others. It’s what we want to see. It’s hard to believe that people are out to do wrong. While it’s generally a good thing to put your trust in others, it can come back to hurt us. While some people may be able to cover their true personality with kind words and gestures, there are always clues that you can look for to make sure you are not being taken advantage of or spending time with the wrong person. If you can pick up on these things, you are rarely a bad judge of character.
People who pick up on these 11 social clues are rarely bad judges of character
1. How they treat others
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This may sound obvious, but the way someone treats others tells you everything about who they are as a person. They may act one way around you, but be completely different to others. They view people as objects. This will be especially relevant in how their kindness extends to people who cannot serve them. If they can get something from someone, they are sure to act kindly. However, those who provide them with nothing in return will not receive the same respect.
It’s also important to notice how they treat those who are performing a task for them. Are they rude to waiters? Are they impatient with service workers? These are a sure-fire way that even if they pretend to be nice, it’s clear they are not that type of person. You’ll be a good judge of character if you keep this in mind.
2. Lack of consistency
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To connect with people, we need them to show up consistently. Someone wishy-washy isn’t going to serve a purpose in our lives. People who pick up on social clues that show that someone is inconsistent are rarely bad judges of character. This doesn’t mean that someone has to be predictable. It just means that if you ask them to do something and they follow through, you can trust them.
Innocent people are not dependable. If someone is rarely there for their friends or struggles to follow through with their promises, you can assume that they are not worth your time. If you notice subtle signs of inconsistency, you are rarely a bad judge of character.
3. If they admit when they’re wrong
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It’s not always easy to come to terms with our mistakes. Our egos want to protect us from feeling like we are not good enough. Instead of owning up to our actions, we can fall into this pattern of seeing ourselves as victims and everyone else around us as wrong. People who are great judges of character will pick up on how a person responds when they are wrong. If they can apologize and move forward, they’re a good person.
On the other hand, people who do everything in their power to dodge an apology are likely not the type of people you want in your life. If you notice they’re often arguing with people and somehow not connecting that they are the problem, or they hurt others time and time again without any apology, they are someone to avoid. By noticing this social clue, you’ll learn more about them than they want you to.
4. How do they respect boundaries
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At the foundation of a positive relationship are set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy ways to prevent ourselves from being hurt or giving too much to others. When you attempt to set boundaries with someone, and they fail to follow them, it’s a clear clue that they may not be a good person. Those who pick up on this are rarely bad judges of character.
Someone may act as though they respect your boundaries, but then cross the lines others have outlined for them. Even if someone seems to treat you with kindness, but they fail to show that same respect to others, you can expect them to do the same to you. Good judges of character will take these clues as advice.
5. What they joke about
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We all have experienced bad jokes. When someone says something intentionally offensive but plays it off as ‘just a joke.’ It is not a joke. They packed malice into those words and tried to convince you they were saying it with jest. If you notice someone is making distasteful or rude jokes, they are unknowingly sending you a social clue.
I don’t know about you, but I do not tolerate offensive jokes. Someone may easily pretend they have good intentions and mask their disrespect from others. A true good judge of character sees right through this charade.
6. What they say behind the backs of others
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We are all prone to gossiping, whether we’d like to admit it or not. For some, talking about others behind their backs can be a form of bonding. It sounds horrible, but it’s something wired in humans. However, if someone is comfortable gossiping to you, it should be taken as a warning. They may not be afraid to talk about you behind your back.
“When we gossip, we are fertilizing our minds with toxicity and judgment. We are much more likely to scrutinize ourselves when we are busy scrutinizing others. We are significantly more susceptible to self-centered fear and the obsession that others are going to gossip about us,” says Hannah Rose, LCPC, for Psychology Today. By seeing through this behavior in others, you are protecting yourself.
7. If they are good listeners
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Research has found that proper communication skills strengthen relationships. Being able to talk to the people you love checks a special box. It brings us happiness and safety. If someone fails to listen to us, especially when we are speaking to them about something important, it’s a clue that they are not genuine. Poor listeners likely only care about themselves.
Someone with a strong sense of judgment will pick up on someone’s character from how they listen. If they are happy to talk your ear off but fail to listen to you, that is a red flag.
8. The way they respond to conflict
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How someone responds to conflict speaks volumes about who they are. It’s a social cue that helps you get to know someone well. You may not have direct conflict with that person, but they will likely tell you about their problems with others. They will never take accountability. They are reactive and do not care how they behave when they are upset.
Their reaction to things that bother them may ruin their relationships with others. They are unafraid of the consequences that come from their reaction to conflict. When you pick up the clues, it’ll be hard to see them as anything but they are. It’s hard to ignore this sign of their character.
9. If their kindness seems genuine
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We have all encountered someone who is kind, but it feels performative. I experienced this with a neighbor of mine. Sure enough, the read I had on her was right. After I learned her true intentions, I knew I could trust my gut. There were obvious clues that left me feeling something wasn’t right.
“I think that for some people, it’s because they are self-serving,” says Dr. Melanie Greenberg for Psychology Today. She believes that some people pretend to be kind to gain control and serve themselves. Once you see their motive, you can trust your judgment.
10. If they act responsibly
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We all have moments where we lack responsibility. No one is perfect. However, we need to act responsibly as often as possible. When someone fails to take full accountability for who they are, it’s clear they have bad intentions. If they make poor decisions but blame others, they should not be trusted. Those who take notice of this social clue are rarely bad judges of character.
Irresponsibility can look different for everyone. It could be a failure to own up to your actions, or having cruel thoughts you feel comfortable voicing without regard for others. Failing to be a responsible person may also look like not being able to keep a job or constantly letting others down. Whatever the situation may be, these are signs you should look for when trying to judge someone’s true character.
11. If they manipulate others
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A bad character is never afraid to use others to get ahead. Manipulation isn’t always easy to spot. Keeping your eye out for how people treat those around them will help you tell someone’s true intentions. A good judge of character notices when something isn’t right. They can sense their true intentions and are rarely wrong.
Manipulation is boundary-crossing behavior as a means of trying to gain control or power in interpersonal interaction, says Lauren Masopust, a licensed marriage and family therapist for Psych Central. Manipulation occurs for several reasons. Sometimes it’s learned behavior from childhood, or a struggle with mental health. Regardless, those who sense this behavior early know how to avoid spending time with people they should not trust.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
