How To Mathematically Determine If Someone Is ‘The One’ For You Instead Of Just Hoping For The Best
buritora | Shutterstock In a TikTok video, a content creator named Hitakshi Shah explained how to mathematically determine if someone is "the one" instead of just hoping for the best. Her theory, dubbed "the Boyfriend Matrix," not only ranks your matches using a percentage system, but also forces you to actually weigh the most important traits you are looking for in a partner.
Dating is hard enough without having to worry if the person you're spending time with is actually "the one." When determining that, people are often told to just trust their gut and go with what feels right. But advice like "You'll know if you're with the person that you're meant to be with," isn't exactly reliable. Shah's "Boyfriend Matrix" might not be fail-proof, but it could give you the mathematical certainty to help you feel a little better about your prospects.
How to mathematically determine if someone is 'the one' instead of just hoping for the best.
"My friends have all used this system to the point where it's led me to make a template called Boyfriend Matrix," Shah began in her TikTok video. "So, take a table like an Excel sheet. In one tab, write down traits that you're looking for in anyone. In the second column, write down why it is important to you."
Shah explained that the reason for this is so that you can truly reflect and get introspective to figure out why these traits are important to you. Doing this exercise can actually help narrow down exactly what you're looking for and lead you to find more specific traits or even realize that some of the things you thought were important aren't.
Shah encouraged using the 'boyfriend matrix' to rank how important specific traits are to you.
After narrowing down your trait list, you need to rank them from 1-4 in the first column based on how well your person fits into the traits you're looking for. Shah instructed that in the second column, you should write how important it is to you.
"It is on your scale of importance, but it might not be like the biggest priority. Like, maybe the biggest priorities, they treat you really well, obviously. And the lower priority if they have like a beard or a clean shaven," Shah said.
She continued, "From there, what you're gonna do is you're going to use this number to give scale and a weight to this number. So if it's a 3, then it only gets like a .75 weight. So you do 4 times .75 = 3."
You're supposed to go down the list of all traits and give them each a percentage weight.
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Shah explained that once you're done, you're going to get a final number. You're then going to divide column 1 by the number in column 2, which should give you a percentage. In Shah's case, the percentage came out to 97%.
"And I actually started this when I was in a different relationship, and I could not tell if that person was the one for me. Because on paper, it felt like they were treating me right; everything was good. I just couldn't tell if they were my person."
From doing this equation, Shah was able to discover that she only had a 59% compatibility with her ex, which helped her decide that she didn't want to continue pursuing things. Shah's method might sound a bit intense at first, especially for people who think love shouldn't require a whole bunch of math and numbers, but even if you don't use it regularly, taking a hard look at the traits of your partner and the traits you find most important in someone you think you might want to spend your life with is always a good exercise.
But maybe there might be something good to come from just slowing down a little and looking at what's actually happening versus what you hope is happening. That way, you can make the right decision on finding "the one." There are no guarantees in love, but that's true about all relationships. There's no reason not to try the "Boyfriend Matrix," especially if it helps you reevaluate what's most important when you're looking for love.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
