Pregnant Woman’s Husband Forgetting Her Birthday Is Just One Example Of What Happens When You Marry The Embarrassing Boyfriend
Relationships are meant to be reciprocal... but sometimes that Boyfriend or Husband title falls short of the bare minimum.
Christin Lola | Shutterstock It's normal to post your significant other on social media on date night, special occasions, or whenever your heart desires to publicize the positives about being in love. However, when a post about your husband's absentmindedness in remembering your birthday goes viral on TikTok, being the wife of that mistreatment is embarrassing.
In a recent video, Haley Brooks wrote in text overlay, "Let's see if my husband remembers that today is my birthday...." Can you guess what the video featured? Yup, a mom going about her day without any celebration or fanfare. Not exactly novel, but sadly, something men seem to have historically been given a pass for, but maybe not so much anymore.
A pregnant woman's husband forgot her birthday, and it's just one example of what happens when you marry the embarrassing boyfriend.
Brooks' video featured a compilation of clips throughout her day, with timestamps and comments on her husband's actions (him leaving for most of the day) and her responses: doing everything for herself and her kids that entire day. With over 20 million views and thousands of responses, she had to disable the comments momentarily to alleviate the overwhelming negativity targeted at her husband.
Ultimately, the response to the video was embarrassing. Her husband's behavior was embarrassing. Choosing him as a partner is embarrassing. This level of embarrassment aligns with the self-enclosed preparation in soft-launching" or "private, not secret" relationships that women in heterosexual relationships use as a crutch to save themselves from a man who does the bare minimum.
I'm aware it's not every man, but this conversation carries weight and is decidedly having a well-deserved moment thanks to a recent article featured in Vogue by writer Chanté Joseph simply titled, "Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?"
Her surveys from women's perspectives ranged from fears of judgment, "Just this idea of anticipating a man letting me down was too much to bear, so I didn't want to post," to female awareness and acceptance of their decision to be with a subpar man. For some women, it was simply that they were embarrassed to even admit they were happy coupled off because that is somehow seen as a failure in autonomy.
Joseph explained it, "To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish."
The pregnant woman's marriage was on the rocks for a multitude of reasons, but she wanted other women to know that they deserve more.
Brooks' purpose: to make women reflect on their relationship with a man, critiquing heterosexuality dynamics and its normalization in a male-centered world.
Disappointment in compliance with traditional values and structures is the clarity and community we need to call out. Like Joseph and Haley Brooks' comment section, outsiders dishing judgmental words of wisdom is sometimes exactly what is needed to get out of something that doesn't serve you.
In a follow-up video, Brooks showed viewers the end of her day, including over-explained text messages from her husband about his whereabouts, and her gas-station pizza surprise and soda, which she couldn't drink, for her and the kids. The post included the text: "Facts. Be single, a lesbian, or choose someone who understands your love language. Bc this sucks." This level of honesty with its corresponding solidarity to other women's experiences in dating men with similar behavior actively depicts the embarrassment of settling.
Sadly, Brooks' marriage seemed to also be plagued by addiction and mental health issues, but the birthday video and the outpouring of support may have also been the catalyst for her own freedom.
It's embarrassing to be with a man who doesn't put effort into his relationship, but it's liberating to break free.
fizkes | Shutterstock
Ultimately, Haley Brooks said she's choosing herself. It's the happy ending we all wish for her and all women who are hiding behind the cloak of being in a happy relationship, yet suffering because their partner barely respects them. Self-worth is not as normalized as the appeal of being in a relationship, yet you can only assure receiving the love you deserve in one of those. It's not the latter.
As Joseph simply put it, "Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become more of a flex to pronounce yourself single." Traditional norms are evolving. We used to be recognized only by our relation to a man. Now, we have the autonomy to choose a partner if that's something we even want.
Reflecting on your relationships, identifying the level of love you're capable and willing to pour into yourself, and sticking to your standards for yourself sets a starting point in healing and allows the potential for a partner to admire your full cup. "Obviously, there’s no shame in falling in love," Joseph asserted. Yet she went on to say, "Where being single was once a cautionary tale (you’ll end up a 'spinster' with loads of cats), it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status — another nail in the coffin of a centuries-old heterosexual fairytale that never really benefited women to begin with."
Truthfully, being in love with a man is not embarrassing if he treats you with the greater care and respect that you would want for yourself. Hearing stories like Brooks' is disheartening and scary for marriages and the potential future of one, heterosexual or not. Nonetheless, the response brings hope and reassurance to a woman who would be suffering if not for the embarrassment. This consideration from online perspectives provides both support and empowerment from outsiders like Joseph willing to bring up the uncomfortable conversation.
Having a boyfriend isn't embarrassing. Having a thoughtless, careless, inconsiderate partner is, especially when there is no reason to put up with it anymore.
Emi Magaña is a queer Latinx writer from Los Angeles with a bachelor's in English. She covers entertainment, news, and the real human experience. More of her non-fiction essays appear in CHAPSTICK online magazine and on her Substack.
