People Who Never Mature Past A Certain Point Often Fall Into These 6 Mental Traps
Emotional growth isn't automatic.
Dean Drobot | Canva You don’t need fixing. But you may need to take a closer look at the thought patterns that keep you thinking things are harder or more confusing than they really are. These patterns are also known as beliefs.
After years of anxiety, depression, and feeling stuck, I discovered how most of us are inadvertently influenced by various beliefs, many of which are instilled in us by society. Seeing the falseness in these beliefs set me free. Read through each of these thoughts, and reflect on why they may not be true. That is all you need to diminish their effect on you and mature into a more accountable, self-aware person with inner stability.
People who never mature past a certain point often fall into these 6 mental traps:
1. 'I’m burned out because I work too much'
The trap: Blaming external circumstances for your stress.
The truth: Stress comes from your thoughts about work, not the work itself.
I once panicked for days before giving a talk in Barcelona. My printer wasn’t working, I hadn’t booked my flight, and I was spiraling into burnout before the event even happened.
None of those circumstances created my sense of burnout, but my thoughts about them did. If I’d taken some breaths and prepared my talk one step at a time, I’d have been fine and delivered a far better talk.
The most productive people are less stressed because they understand this: your circumstances don’t create your stress. Your thoughts do.
2. 'I’m a coward because I feel fear'
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The trap: Believing your emotions define who you are.
The truth: Feelings are just temporary responses to passing thoughts.
For years, I told myself I had “social anxiety” and was “naturally shy.” These were just stories I created from thoughts I took too seriously. The moment I stopped identifying with these labels, everything changed.
Recognizing that we are not our feelings allows us the creativity to be who we need to be. You’re not your feelings. You’re the space in which feelings come and go.
Research recommends using cognitive restructuring techniques to identify, challenge, and replace negative thoughts. When you find yourself thinking "I am a coward," ask yourself for evidence that supports or challenges this belief. Then, replace it with a more balanced and realistic thought, such as, "I feel afraid, but I am going to face this anyway."
3. 'Losing money means losing self-worth'
The trap: Tying your identity to money.
The truth: Money is completely neutral. You assign it an imaginary meaning.
I used to wake up in cold sweats about money, ruminating for hours about financial problems. But I learned that money stress comes from taking money personally, not from the actual numbers in your account.
Money has nothing to do with you. It can’t raise or lower your self-worth, because even ‘self-worth’ is an imaginary thing.
You lose nothing when you lose money. Only money. Knowing this, you have more freedom and creativity to make more of it. When you stop fearing the loss of money, you become freer to make more of it.
4. 'Other people's rejection decreases my self-esteem'
The trap: Believing other people have power over my level of self-esteem.
The truth: No matter what others say or do, you remain yourself, untouchable.
I used to fear saying the wrong thing around people because I associated rejection with a loss of self-esteem. Now I care less about what I say around people because I snipped that perceived connection long ago.
If someone says something harsh to me, that’s on them. It has nothing to do with me. Self-esteem is thought-created. Which means you are free to let go.
Research on self-affirmation theory shows that when people feel threatened, affirming their values can protect their self-integrity. Remind yourself of your core values, skills, and strengths. Self-affirmations broaden your sense of self-worth so that it isn't dependent on external validation.
5. 'I need the right mindset to perform well'
The trap: Thinking you need to feel good to do good work.
The truth: Peak performance comes from momentum, regardless of how you feel.
I’ve written some of my best articles when slightly angry. I’ve played great golf shots while frustrated. Mood has little bearing on performance, but trying to control your mood kills performance.
Waiting to feel confident before acting will just waste your time. Performance comes from being in the game and not trying to control the outcome too much. Play.
6. 'My past defines my personality'
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The trap: Believing your history determines your future.
The truth: You’re only ever responding to thoughts in this moment.
I spent years thinking my reserved behavior at school had doomed me to a “shy personality” for life. This was just a story I kept telling myself, and — until I let go of the BS that my past could dictate my current actions — I was stuck.
Narrative therapy separates you from the problem, allowing you to see the issue as something you are fighting, not something that you are. For example, instead of saying, "I am a depressed person," you can say, "I am struggling with depression."
The cool thing is, you can be whoever you want to be, and need to be as is appropriate to this moment. You are a multifaceted human with many iterations of who you are at the level above pure spirit. The past only has power over you when you think it does.
You live in the experience of your thinking, not in the experience of your circumstances. When you truly understand this, a lot can change fast. You realize you’re only ever one thought away from peace, confidence, creativity, and joy. The question isn’t “How do I change my circumstances?”
The question is “How do I stop letting my thoughts about circumstances control me?” Answer that, and you’ll discover the mental freedom that’s been available to you all along.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
