Bride Asks Groomsman Not To Attend Wedding After Learning What Her Fiancé Did During His Bachelor Party
The bride is pointing the finger at the wrong person.
Thom Holmes | Unsplash A groomsman turned to Reddit for advice after the bride told him she didn't want him at the wedding because she heard that her fiancé had kissed him as a joke during the bachelor party. To make matters worse, she also asked the groomsman not to tell his friend that she asked him not to attend, and now she's put their childhood friendship on the line.
Bachelor and bachelorette parties have a longstanding tradition of being the last hoorah before tying the knot, but the groomsman in question wasn't exactly on board with the antics at his friend's stag party and somehow got swept up in it anyway. Now, the bride is trying to punish him for the actions of her fiancé, and her secrets and lies could damage a friendship and her upcoming marriage.
A bride asked a groomsman not to attend the wedding over her fiancé's bachelor party behavior.
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The groomsman explained that he’s known the groom-to-be since they were kids, and the bride-to-be nearly as long. He thought that would have cemented his role in the wedding, since he thought of them both as good friends, but the bachelor party changed all that.
He wrote, "At his bachelor party last weekend, we started off at my place and transitioned to bar hopping and by the end, my [best friend] was drunk and the guys (all our mutual friends and some of his cousins) were egging him on to do a last kiss before marriage dare." The groomsman noted that he thought the last hoorah mentality of a bachelor party was tacky and the "last kiss" taunt was making him and the groom-to-be uncomfortable.
While he "knew" his friend wouldn't kiss anyone else because he "loves his fiancée very much," he didn't expect that his friend would use him as a way to get out of the awkward taunting. To his surprise, he planted one right on his best bud. “Not even a dumb peck,” the groomsman said. “He actually dipped me and held it for a few seconds until everyone was laughing obnoxiously.”
The kiss got back to the bride-to-be, and she was unhappy about it.
Here's where things get a little strange. So, the groom-to-be kissed his friend to get out of an awkward bachelor party situation, and instead of laughing about it, his fiancée found it worrisome. The first question that came to my mind was, "Does she suspect her fiancé has feelings for his best friend?"
The groomsman went on to say that he got a text from her the next day, and that's when the drama really began. He wrote, "She said she knew about the kiss, and that while she didn’t love it, she was glad it was me and not some random girl. She said if he’d kissed another woman, she’d have taken it as cheating and dealt with it worse." Okay, fair enough. But then he wrote, "she didn’t feel comfortable with me being at the wedding now either, because it would just be in the back of her head."
As if telling him that she didn't want him at the wedding wasn't bad enough, she then asked this former groomsman not to tell her fiancé that she was the reason he was bailing on the wedding. Destroying a friendship and starting a wedding off with a big secret seems a whole lot worse than a drunken stag party smooch between two best friends, but there's obviously something else going on here.
As one commenter noted, "Is there any chance your [friend] has a thing for you? Because granted, drinks were involved, but it feels like the fiancée knows something you don’t, or that’s the vibe I’m getting. Being that uncomfortable to ask you not to come to the wedding is bigger than it seems; asking not to tell your [best friend] the real reason is nearly sinister. It’s like she doesn’t want to be put into the situation of a 'him or me' kind of deal."
Unsure what to do, the groomsman told his best friend that he suddenly had to work and that he wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. Needless to say, that went over like a lead balloon with pretty much everyone, and now he feels like his friendship is on the line.
The groomsman needs to come clean to his best friend because he is not to blame for any of the drama.
Amy Morin, LCSW, explained, "Secrets are sometimes kept in an attempt to protect the relationship itself. Your partner might assume the best way to continue the relationship is to keep their secrets from you." She went on to say, "Secrets can take a serious toll on the health of a relationship. They usually come to light at some point, and when they do, trust is shattered."
The bride is obviously worried about her relationship. Instead of communicating those concerns with her intended, she is eliminating what she views as the threat — the groomsman. Unfortunately, a secret this big cannot stay buried forever unless her hope is to destroy this friendship completely, which is a definite possibility.
Regardless of whether there is something more romantic going on between these two friends, pretty much everyone agreed that the groomsman needs to come clean to his best friend about why he really isn't attending the wedding. How he chooses to do that, either telling another close friend who will likely blab, so he doesn't have to break his promise to the bride-to-be, or whether he tells his friend himself, there is absolutely no reason for him to be the bad guy.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
