Wedding Planner Shares The 4 Behaviors That Tell Her A Newlywed Couple Will Soon Get Divorced
Years of experience have given her an eye for newlywed red flags.
IVASHstudio | Canva Robin Yarusso has been a wedding planner for 20 years, and during that time, she's learned a thing or two about relationships. In a TikTok video, she went so far as to say that her extensive exposure to newlyweds has given her a sort of sixth sense when it comes to being able to tell when a couple will end up getting divorced.
Essentially, she can predict, based on four specific behaviors, whether a couple will actually make it past the honeymoon stage. For newlyweds, the last thing on their mind is the possibility of getting divorced. On such a joyous day, it can be hard for couples to recognize the red flags that foreshadow how successful their union will ultimately be. But for someone as removed as Yarusso, it becomes pretty easy to spot.
A wedding planner shared the 4 behaviors that tell her a newlywed couple will soon get divorced:
1. Smashing the cake on each other's faces
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Ahhhh, the cake smash. It's tradition, right? But who actually enjoys it? Does the bride who painstakingly perfected her look enjoy it? There's a reason this behavior is a glaring red flag.
"If you smash the cake, I don't know what it represents, but for some reason, none of my brides and grooms that did are still together," Yarusso admitted. It seems Yarusso might be onto something, though, as cake-smashing is usually a point of contention, especially when it's one person doing it to their unsuspecting spouse.
Aubree Danielle, luxury cake baker and CEO of Aubree's Cakery, told The Knot, "Overall, I would have to vote no on the tradition. There are many more cons than pros for me, and I think if not done tastefully, it can easily go overboard. I would take it in a different direction by feeding each other the cake, which is still fun and intimate."
2. Not being respectful of the budget
Yarusso claimed that if one person in the couple is trying to be strict about the wedding budget but the other person isn't on the same page, the financial conflict could be a glimpse into the future of their marriage. She explained that if she has a bride calling her to ask if they can add more flowers to the table, but is adamant about not telling her husband-to-be, it's usually a red flag of an impending divorce.
Aside from the lack of trust and the lying, the financial incompatibility could indicate trouble in the future. In fact, a survey by U.K.-based law firm Slater & Gordon found that 1 in 5 spouses is keeping a secret in their marriage that they fear could ruin the relationship. "There is often a perception that marriages come to an end because of lots of little things coming to a head over time," said Amanda McAlister, head of family law at Slater & Gordon, in a press release. "But we find that a high proportion of clients come to us having been in a happy marriage just weeks earlier. It's normally the case that one lie or one secret is the undoing of the whole marriage."
Considering weddings are quite expensive, it makes sense that newlyweds could be putting themselves in a bad situation by not being on the same page about the budget. In a survey from U.S. News, over half of couples (58%) plan to take on debt to finance their weddings, and about two in five (42%) didn't think they would end up going into debt to pay for their wedding when they were in the initial planning stages. Now, imagine suddenly finding out that your new spouse lied to you about the wedding budget. Suddenly, that little secret has become a major obstacle that could impact the health of the relationship.
3. The bride/groom's mother is overstepping
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It seems nothing can kill a marriage faster than an overbearing mother-in-law, at least according to Yarusso. She explained that in law, strife usually leads to problems in a marriage if the bride or groom doesn't set boundaries with their parents when it comes to decisions about the wedding that they've made with their spouse.
An overbearing mother-in-law usually tries to insert herself into the marriage until eventually, the other person realizes they can't handle being in a relationship with their significant other and their parent as well. There's a reason the "monster-in-law" trope exists. Merging families is not an easy task. Couples need to communicate openly and set healthy boundaries with both families so they can start off on the right foot.
4. The groom doesn't care about the wedding
"I don't mean like, 'Oh, honey, it's your big day, you pick whatever flowers you want,'" Yarusso said. "I mean, his one job was to pick the DJ, and we're a week before the wedding, and he hasn't gotten that done. The husband is completely checked out." If a groom is this checked out before they are married, imagine how much of the emotional labor he will hand over to his wife once they make it official.
A bride and groom should both be excited and engaged in the planning of their wedding. It's the start of their future, after all. Yarusso claimed that a husband being checked out of the wedding is usually a sign of something much deeper, meaning he might be checked out about a lot of other things down the line, such as taking care of the kids and planning family vacations.
It's easy to get swept up in the excitement of love and marriage, but it's extremely important for couples to remember that their wedding is just one day. Marriage is for life. Don't fall in love with the wedding instead of the person you are marrying. When you are with the right person, planning a wedding can be and should be fun.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
