Parents Who Do This One Thing 20 Minutes A Day Keep Their Kids Close, Even Long After They Grow Up
It's probably something you're already doing, but it may need a few tweaks.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock Bonding with your kids can be hard, especially if you feel like your partner is the favorite parent and you’re just kind of the sidekick. One dad shared on Reddit that he found the solution thanks to psychiatrist Dr. Daniel G. Amen. According to Amen, it only takes 20 minutes a day to develop a strong relationship with your children that will last throughout their lives.
In a clip from his podcast “Change Your Brain Every Day,” Dr. Amen explained that parents only need to devote consistent time to their kids to create a beautiful bond and relationship that stands the test of time. He called it his “most effective parenting strategy,” and the best part is that it only takes a small chunk of your packed schedule.
Dr. Amen said the most important thing parents can do to keep their kids close is to simply spend time with them each day.
This probably doesn’t sound very groundbreaking. After all, don’t you spend time with your kids every day, or at least most days? Well, Dr. Amen gave several stipulations for those 20 minutes that may change the way you spend that short amount of time with your kids. “Do something with them they wanna do,” he said. “And during that time, no commands, no questions, no directions. It’s just time.”
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While chances are that you’re already spending time with your kids, you may not be doing so in quite the way that Dr. Amen instructed. For 20 minutes, you do whatever your child wants to do without giving them any kind of directions or instructions, and you do so without distractions (Dr. Amen specifically mentioned phones in the caption). It’s just you and them having a fun time together.
Many parents have found this uninterrupted parent-child time highly beneficial.
On Reddit, a dad shared his own experience with Dr. Amen’s advice. “I never really felt bonding, and I even felt my child was a bit scared of me or just had a preferred parent (still does),” he admitted. “But consciously doing this and being purposeful has been a game changer [these] last two months when she turned three.”
Other dads joined in to share how this concept had helped them as well, even though they may have never heard Dr. Amen discuss it. “[That] kinda explains why my kiddos bonded so well with me over their mother,” one said. “It’s not something I’ve consciously done, just enjoyed doing. Usually after dinner we’ll have a good 30 minutes of dedicated playtime before bed.”
Unfortunately, some parents didn’t find this parenting technique so simple. One person who commented on Dr. Amen’s post had a very valid question: “What if you have four children and you work long hours?” It’s true that spending 20 minutes of completely uninterrupted, undistracted time with your children is a bit of a luxury and a privilege, and it’s something that some people will simply struggle to do. In that way, Dr. Amen’s advice is not perfect.
Even though it may be hard for some parents, spending quality time with their kids is very important.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology examined the well-being of children in randomly selected Chinese households. Researchers concluded that the more time a parent spent with their child, the better their well-being was.
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They also noted, “However, there were studies that suggested that improving the quality of companionship could facilitate parent-child relationships. What may be important for children was not only the amount of time spent with them but also the quality of the companionship.”
So, the whole idea of taking this time without distractions and interruptions really holds merit. Solely focusing on your child for at least 20 minutes a day and just having fun together has untold benefits, just like Dr. Amen promised. Still not sold on the idea? Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of your best memories with your parents involve being together without any obligations other than just to enjoy each other.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
