The Art Of Being A Happy Person: 8 Simple Habits Of Naturally Happy People
Stop waiting for permission to be happy because you have everything you already need.
Brian Wangenheim | Unsplash What if happiness isn't something you have to chase, but something you can cultivate? While our culture often presents happiness as an elusive destination, experts have revealed a different story.
Most happiness advice is written by people who’ve clearly never been genuinely miserable. Very often, the advice we get comes from whiny people whose biggest grievance in life is running out of oat milk for their latte. I’ve spent years studying people who’ve crawled through the gutters and somehow emerged genuinely content, and it turns out, there is indeed an art to being a happy person.
Here are eight simple habits of naturally happy people:
1. They stop putting energy into trying to be happy
This is going to sound counterintuitive, but stay with me: The happiest people I know have completely given up on happiness as a goal. They’ve figured out what most people never do: chasing happiness is like trying to catch your own shadow.
When we’re engaged in the work of seeking happiness, we inadvertently signal to ourselves that we don’t have it yet. When we think we don’t have it, we reinforce the idea that it will never arrive. Stop searching. Focus on creating cool things instead.
2. They’ve made peace with being misunderstood
PeopleImages / Shutterstock
Most people are exhausting because they’re constantly trying to manage everyone’s opinion of them. Many have no idea they’re doing this, but they are tired. They explain their choices, justify their boundaries, and contort themselves into whatever shape they think will keep everyone happy.
Genuinely happy people have learned that you can’t control what people think about you, and trying will make you miserable. Immerse yourself in the reality right now that coming across as weird, unlikable, or difficult might actually be necessary and liberating.
Constantly seeking to be understood by others can be an emotionally exhausting and ultimately futile effort. One study explained that the path to being happier involves shifting your focus from managing other people's perceptions to cultivating your own inner sense of self-worth.
3. They are content with things as-is
Happy people have figured out that enjoyment isn’t something you earn through suffering or productivity. You don’t have to finish all your tasks before you’re allowed to feel good about your day.
I watch people torture themselves with this backwards thinking: “I’ll be happy when I lose the weight,” or “I’ll relax when the project’s finished.” They’ve turned happiness into a reward system that never actually pays out, because there’s always that other peak to reach.
You’re allowed to feel okay about your life exactly as it is right now, problems and all. Try it. Seeing this made all the difference for me.
4. They don't bend over backwards to please others
Chronic people-pleasers are often the most miserable people you’ll meet. They’ve made their happiness dependent on other people’s approval, which is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom. No matter how much validation they collect, it’s never enough.
Happy people say no to things that drain them, regardless of how others feel about it. They are okay with this because they know their energy comes before all else. Your boundaries might upset people, and that’s their problem, not yours.
Research has recommended recognizing when people-pleasing tendencies are impacting your well-being and learn how to identify your own needs and feelings. When others' needs dictate your choices, you lose freedom and can eventually feel trapped, leading to a trajectory that isn't aligned with your personal goals or values.
5. They accept that some days are just bad
This one drives the positive thinking crowd absolutely mental. Genuinely happy people don’t try to spin every bad day into a learning opportunity or growth experience. Sometimes life is just hard, and they’re okay with that.
They don’t waste energy fighting against difficult emotions or pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t. They feel what they feel, acknowledge it, and move on without making it mean something’s wrong with them.
Not every day needs to be good. Some days are just about remembering that things aren’t always easy, and that’s perfectly fine. Seeing things this way meant I felt better almost instantly.
6. They’ve stopped comparing their insides to everyone else’s outsides
insta_photos / Shutterstock
Social media has turned comparison into a full-time job for most people. They’re constantly measuring their messy reality against everyone else’s highlight reel and wondering why they feel like warmed-up cat vomit.
Happy people know that everyone’s struggling with something, even if they don’t broadcast it. That person with the perfect Instagram feed is probably dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or financial stress.
Instead of comparing, they focus on their own progress and celebrate their own small wins on their journey. Your only competition is who you were yesterday.
What you see of other people's lives, especially on social media, is a carefully edited collection of successes and perfect moments. You cannot see their struggles, insecurities, or failures, but you are painfully aware of your own. One study concluded that this creates a distorted and fundamentally unfair basis for comparison that inevitably leaves you feeling inadequate.
7. They do one thing at a time
In our multitasking culture, happy people have discovered that trying to do everything at once means doing nothing particularly well. They give their full attention to whatever they’re doing, whether it’s washing dishes or having a conversation.
They find a way to enjoy each task. Perhaps even doing it slowly. But they’re content because they find more happens when they focus on one thing at a time.
8. They aren't afraid to laugh at themselves
This might be the most important one. Genuinely chill people don’t take themselves so seriously. When you laugh at your own mistakes and imperfections from a place of kindness and self-acceptance, research from The British Psychological Society shows you can improve your mental and emotional well-being.
They can laugh when they mess up, admit when they’re wrong, and poke fun at their own quirks without it threatening their self-worth. In fact, they know ‘self-worth’ is a made-up thing, which means they can let go of working so hard to protect it.
I know people who are absolutely miserable because they’re trying so hard to maintain their image of being perfect, smart, or successful. They can’t afford to look foolish, so they never take risks or try anything new.
Sucks for them. Happy people have learned that being human means being ridiculous sometimes, and that’s perfectly fine.
Here’s what you do next: Pick one habit that made you most uncomfortable and try it for a week. Real contentment comes from these simple, unglamorous daily choices that most people are too scared to make. Stop waiting for permission to be happy. You already have everything you need.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
