Woman Who Can’t Marry Her Boyfriend Asks How To Reassure His Kids She’s Not Going To Leave Them
Marriage is just not in the cards for this couple, but that doesn't mean they aren't a loving family.
Zivica Kerkez | Shutterstock A woman admitted that despite being in love with her boyfriend and having a loving and healthy relationship, she isn't in a position to marry him. Because of that, she's questioning how to go about breaking the news to his kids without jeopardizing the close bond that she has with them.
Submitting her dilemma to Slate's "Dear Prudence" advice column, the anonymous woman claimed that marriage isn't in the cards for her right now, but claimed that because of the decision she's made to not marry her boyfriend, she is unsure how to break the news to their blended family.
A woman asked how to reassure her boyfriend's kids that she's not going to leave them.
"My late husband and I got married very young. Sadly, he died two years into our marriage. Because of his career and cause of death, I get to keep his health benefits as a widow," she began. "This has been a silver lining — I had cancer and now have chronic immune system problems. His health benefits let me keep my head above water."
She explained that even when she was unable to work and had to move back in with her family, she could at least continue going to treatment. Thankfully, she's in remission now, but there's still a high risk of the cancer coming back at some point. Around four years ago, she met her current boyfriend, Manuel, who was also a widower.
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The two began dating and have a blended family with two tweens from his first marriage. However, his extended family won't stop nagging the two of them about getting married. They've even told his kids that if she were really going to stay around with their dad, then she would marry him. While she pointed out how much she'd love to marry Manuel, circumstances are preventing that from happening.
"We’ve talked it over in depth. I work part-time to work around my chronic illness, and my job doesn’t offer insurance. On his insurance, the healthcare costs would destroy us if I got cancer again," she revealed.
The woman questioned how to shut down the marriage conversation with his family.
While she was looking for an answer about what to do when it comes to Manuel's family seemingly pressuring them to get married, she was more focused on the conversation that she needed to have with his kids. She wanted to reassure them that, despite not marrying their dad, she wasn't going anywhere. Married or not, in her mind, they are a family.
Marriage just isn't in the cards for her unless universal healthcare suddenly becomes a thing. According to Prudence, when it comes to talking to Manuel's extended family, having that honest conversation about the cost of health insurance and how it impacts their financial stability might be the easiest approach to getting everyone on the same page.
It's not that they don't love each other, but that they're choosing to be realistic about what getting married might cost them.
When it comes to talking to his kids, the truth again is best. If she were to just communicate to them that how she feels about their family has nothing to do with their reasons for not getting married, everything would make sense to them. The love that she has for his kids will never change, but she needs to tell them that.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
