7 Phrases Men Use On A Regular Basis When They Pretty Much Have Zero Respect For Women
He's not just being blunt, he's showing you how little he values women.
Brock Wegner | Unsplash Language is more than just stringing words together. It's power. Some phrases have consequences on the way we treat our partner, how we speak to our children, and how we turn these phrases into a quantifiable illusion of self-worth.
I think we would all like to believe that we've made strides in gender equality, but when we lightly scratch under the surface, the reality is that we still use language that is drowned in disrespect. This type of language supports a system where men get an unlimited number of excuses, while women are blamed for things they have nothing to do with.
Here are seven phrases men use on a regular basis when they pretty much have zero respect for women:
1. 'She has daddy issues'
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Profanities aside, “daddy issues” is one of the most emotionally loaded phrases you can throw at a woman. In two words, you’re telling her she’s needy, insecure, overreactive, unstable, and broken. It’s quite the insult.
It’s also pretty ignorant, granted, the culprit is in the name. If a girl grows up with an absent, abusive, or emotionally unavailable father, her attachment patterns aren’t character flaws — they’re learned coping mechanisms from lived experiences. A man hurt her when she was at her most vulnerable, so of course, she’s going to be wary of other men.
It’s like judging someone for compulsively locking their front door after a break-in. She doesn’t have daddy issues; her father failed her. But sure, keep blaming young girls for the neglect, betrayal, and abandonment of the grown men who were supposed to protect them.
2. 'She slept her way to the top'
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Any time a woman makes anything of herself, people argue that she couldn’t have possibly gotten there without the strategic utilization of her body. When Kamala Harris ran for president with two degrees and over 30 years of political experience, a Fox News anchor said she “slept her way” into politics.
Even if that were true (it rarely or never is), why are women the ones being ridiculed for playing a game men created? I promise you, we do not want to live in a world where our bodies are more valuable currency than our intellect, experience, degrees, and ambition (especially when, statistically speaking, our boss is likely to be a creepy middle-aged dude).
The public blame should be on men in powerful positions who accept — or, more likely, expect — intimate favors in exchange for promotions, job security, or raises. That’s called quid pro quo harassment, and it’s been illegal in all 50 states since 1964.
3. 'Women need to choose better'
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Almost 25 million American children live in single-parent households, and 80% of those households are headed by the mother.
When people see these statistics, they often blame the woman: “She should’ve picked a better man.” “She probably tried to trap him with a baby.”
“Why’d she choose to have kids with a deadbeat?” “Fatherlessness has serious impacts on a child; why’d she kick him out?”
How about: “Men need to be better partners and fathers.” Men are significantly less likely to seek help for mental illness, anger issues, and substance abuse, which often lead to the deterioration of relationships.
In terms of emotional and physical presence, about 25% of fathers don’t live with their children, less than 4% of men fight for custody, and 27% of dads stop seeing their kids entirely after a divorce. Financially, custodial parents are owed a collective $116 billion in child support, and over 30% of fathers haven’t paid any child support at all.
4. 'She’s a gold-digger'
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Up until 1974 (barely 50 years ago), women weren’t legally permitted to own houses or open their bank accounts. As a result, the only way for women to ensure financial stability for themselves was to choose a wealthy husband.
And who created this system? Men designed a society in which women needed to be financially dependent on them for food, housing, and childcare. Now, men get mad when women prioritize husbands who can provide food, housing, and childcare.
But we’re screwed if we do, screwed if we don’t: The women who have avoided the title of gold-digger by becoming financially independent are now criticized for being “man-hating feminists” or “childless cat ladies.”
5. 'She’s a homewrecker'
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Is knowingly sleeping with a married man morally wrong? You bet, but an estimated 42% of men on Tinder are already married or in a relationship, and they are not readily disclosing that information.
Even if they were, last I checked, the mistress wasn’t standing at the altar promising anyone anything. Calling a woman “a homewrecker” shifts the blame away from the husband, who proposed to his wife, said his vows, lied, cheated, and sabotaged his marriage.
6. 'If he was abusive, why didn’t she leave?'
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People seem to think that if a man is that bad, a woman should be able to just pack a bag and walk away. As if strolling into a new life were straightforward, easy, or safe. As if she didn’t have bills, kids, or debilitating fear. As if abusers have always been particularly respectful of boundaries.
Statistically speaking, leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time for victims. For at least two years after the separation, violent acts increase by 75%, and women are 77% more likely to die by homicide.
And the most chilling statistic? Approximately 40% of women who were killed by their abusers sought help multiple times in the two years before their death.
7. 'She’s asking for it'
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In 1989, jurors unanimously acquitted a man of kidnapping and assaulting a 22-year-old woman at knifepoint because of the skirt she was wearing. “We all feel she asked for it for the way she was dressed,” said jury foreman Roy Diamond.
We’d like to believe that our biases have improved over the past 35 years, but I don’t think they have. School dress codes still punish the girls who wear spaghetti straps instead of the boys who drool over their shoulders.
Judges still hand out lenient sentences to avoid “ruining a young man’s life.” Two out of three assaults still go unreported because survivors think people will discredit or blame them.
Maria Cassano is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure, among others.
