11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Really Signs Of Complete & Utter Exhaustion
You've got to read between the lines to see that people doing these things are not being rude. They are crying out for help.
Ahmet Misirligul / Shutterstock Oftentimes, perception is not reality. What looks like rudeness can actually be a person running on an empty tank but still trying their best to push through. Mental, physical, or emotional exhaustion can easily cause social skills and energy to go out the window because there is nothing left to give.
Basic manners and patience become less of a priority when a person's body is begging for rest and recovery. It's not personal, though it may be off-putting. Before we label a person as rude, we should consider how tired they might be. When exhibits behavior that makes you suspect that a person might be more exhausted than inconsiderate, give them grace, and perhaps a good nap.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are really signs of complete and utter exhaustion
1. Not responding to texts or calls
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It's easy to assume you are being ignored when someone fails to respond to your text messages or phone calls. In your mind, you think that you are low on their list of priorities and that they are blatantly disregarding the communications.
But maybe it's not about you. It could be that they are so burned out and overwhelmed that they just cannot handle another question, small talk, or a random conversation. Keep in mind that anxiety can stem from the uncertainty surrounding certain communications and the associated social expectations. Fear of missing out can easily add to feelings of utter exhaustion.
2. Short or abrupt replies
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Almost as bad as no response at all are the short or blunt responses that leave you saying to yourself, "Is that all?" You might have written a whole book via text, only to receive an "Okay" back. Now you feel as if you totally wasted their time reaching out to them. Are they mad at you? Are they annoyed that you are sending lengthy paragraphs?
The truth is that they may not be upset at all. They might just be spent. Once you are at your energetic rock bottom, you no longer have it in you to sugar coat things. You become super concise with your responses and use your words sparingly.
3. Cancelling plans at the last minute
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It's natural to become frustrated when someone cancels plans that they have already agreed to at the last minute. It seems rude and might lead you to believe they have not taken into consideration the time and energy you put into planning. The behavior seems flaky. Their unreliability makes you reluctant to invite them in the future.
But something you might consider is that you never know what is going on in someone else's life. Maybe they have too many balls in the air and don't have the bandwidth to show up and act like they are okay when they are not. When we are stretched way too thin, something has got to give. You can't please everyone, so you have to be able to change your mind if necessary. Social anxiety is real, and people who have it should be shown compassion and mercy.
4. Not paying attention during conversations
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People who zone out during conversations seem aloof, disinterested, or downright rude. They seemingly don't find enough value in what you are saying to be engaged and present. But it could be that they are not disinterested at all. Life is jam-packed with people and responsibilities, and their brain is not operating at its full capacity.
When our minds are overloaded, it's difficult to focus on any one thing. Fatigue can affect cognitive functions like attention span, memory retention, and decision-making. Your thought process slows down significantly when you are worn out. Your concentration suffers greatly, and anything that requires you to listen diligently for more than a few seconds becomes too much.
5. Avoiding eye contact
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The eyes are the windows to the soul. When a person diverts their gaze away from you, it can be an indication that they are uncomfortable, dishonest, or just plain rude. But not so fast. It seems simple, but gazing into someone's eyes requires some emotional energy that you may not have at your disposal.
Your lack of eye contact might be a person's way of conserving their energy to meet their own basic needs. At any other time, they could really engage with you and make you feel validated, but right now, you're just going to have to understand that it's not about you. They are doing the very best they can with what they have left.
6. Skipping the pleasantries
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How often do you ask someone how they are doing and actually mean it? That question is rarely ever raised out of genuine interest. It's a space filler— an introduction to an interaction. But when you are exhausted beyond comprehension, you just don't feel like doling out meaningless pleasantries. You are conservative with your communication.
A lack of small talk doesn't make a person rude. They have chosen to invest their time in things that matter. This is their functional survival mode, and the fact that they even made time for the conversation is enough. There are times in our lives when pleasantries are a luxury that we can't afford.
7. Saying no more frequently
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A people-pleasing person is always trying to be agreeable so others like and accept them. They flex their boundaries to make everyone else happy, to their own detriment. That alone grows tiresome eventually, and they might find themselves having to put stronger boundaries in place to protect the energy that they have left over.
This newfound strength might be viewed as rude or selfish by the people who used to benefit from their lack of boundaries. but that's just a way of making them feel guilty or wrong for asserting their standards finally. Every person has the right to reject anything that doesn't sit right in their spirit, even if they have a history of being a complete doormat.
8. Spending more time alone
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Two of my favorite things to say are, "I have to go. It's too peoply in here," and "Sorry, I couldn't make it. I didn't want to come." As a part-time introvert, there are moments in life when my social battery is drained. I don't have another smile to give or a nice greeting to say. I need to crawl into my cocoon so I can emerge as a butterfly one day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone. It reduces stress, promotes self-reflection, and enhances your focus and creativity. We should all strive to be content in our own company from time to time. For others, especially romantic partners, this could be looked at as rude, but it is beneficial to everyone for each person to take dedicated time to get to know themselves.
9. Forgetting things
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Earlier, we learned of the negative impact exhaustion can have on cognitive function, such as memory. It pushes a person into fight or flight mode, and they are just doing their best to hang on for dear life. That means some things that are not deemed absolutely necessary may be ignored or forgotten in order to focus on top priorities.
They are not careless or rude. Their memory has been hijacked by weariness, and even the simplest tasks might fall through the cracks. So, what was the most important thing on your agenda might have been the very last thing on their to-do list, and by the time they got to the bottom, they could not retain anything else in their mental database.
10. Looking unkempt
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It takes a lot of work to step outside as the best version of yourself on a daily basis. You might be the queen or king of great presentation and look your best whenever people see you. So, when you are super tired and can't live up to your own standards, people can feel as if you are rude and simply decided not to put in your usual level of effort for them.
But looking less than stellar is not a clear indication of laziness or disregard. It could be that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Every day is not going to be a runway show. You might have dug through a pile of clean laundry because you were too busy to fold clothes. Everyone should be happy that you pushed yourself and showed up anyway.
11. Not smiling or laughing enough
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A long time ago, I committed to only smiling when I had something worth smiling about and never laughing to make others comfortable. If I smile and laugh is strictly because I am happy, amused, or humored. To some, that can come off as rude. The complimentary cackling that often accompanies a not-so-funny joke or that plastered-on smile for a person you secretly despise has become the norm.
But many people are opting to reserve their emotional energy for worthwhile causes. They don't have to be performative and give you a grin or a chuckle just because. This is even more true when a person is exhausted. Even happiness can feel heavy when life gets to be too much to handle.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
