Uncle Wonders If He Was Wrong For Refusing To Change His Sister-In-Law's Baby's Diaper
He was tired of his sister-in-law always trying to get other people to take care of her baby.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Parenting is hard and help is always welcome, but what happens when parents take advantage of the kindness from their village and expect others to do the bulk of their work? That was the reality for one mom and dad, who made a habit of asking other family members to take care of their child when they were perfectly capable of doing so themselves. The mom's brother-in-law was done with their entitlement and put his foot down when his sister-in-law boldly asked him to change her baby's diaper just because she didn't want to do it.
An uncle took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong because he felt like his sister-in-law had taken advantage of others’ kindness.
“My wife and I have been married 10 plus years and have a few kids,” he began his post. “Sister-in-law and her husband had a baby two years ago. No major complaints — they just tend to ask for people to do stuff that I would think they’d do themselves.”
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He offered some examples of ways that his sister-in-law and her husband tend to lean a little too heavily on other people. “They’ll come over [to] our horse (they live an hour away) and they’ll ask ahead of time if we have their kid’s favorite crackers on hand. Why they don’t just pack the crackers, I don’t know (they are well off, money [is] not an issue),” he shared.
He provided one other typical scenario to illustrate what he meant, saying, “If one of them leaves the room, they’ll ask one of us (my wife or kids) to be ‘in charge’ of the baby — even if the other parent is right there, just scrolling on their phone or something.”
This all came to a head at a recent family dinner, when the uncle was asked to change a dirty diaper.
“The other day, we’re having a dinner at mother-in-law’s house when the baby had a poopy diaper,” he continued. “Sister-in-law looks at me and says in the sweetest voice, ‘Uncle [my name], can you change the diaper?’ (She frequently does this when we’re there but this was the first time I was asked.)”
The man tried to keep things civil while still making his position clear. “I answered politely, ‘No, I’m sorry, I don’t do that,’” he shared. His sister-in-law was stymied. “You … don’t do diapers?” she asked in confusion. He replied, “No, I don’t do other people’s kid’s diapers if their mom or dad is around. I mean, if I’m babysitting, sure thing, but yeah — if the parents are around, I just feel like it’s their job.”
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This set his sister-in-law off. “Sister-in-law looks like she’s ready to cry. ‘Well … I feel selfish.’ I smiled to try and set her at ease. ‘Not trying to make you feel any way, just telling you a boundary is all,’” he recounted.
This did not go over well with the rest of the family. “The table got really awkward as she got up and did the diaper,” he said. “Afterwards my wife blamed me for making sister-in-law feel bad and said I could’ve just changed the diaper.” He clarified his intent. “Not trying to make anyone feel bad — but I’ve had three kids and I always took responsibility — I watched them, I packed for them and I changed them. I’m not looking to be a secondary parent for this kid.”
It’s good for parents to be engaged with their kids.
While parents don’t have to do every little thing for their children and can certainly accept any offered help, it sounds more like this set of parents simply don’t care. This is exactly in contrast with what UC Davis Health Children’s Hospital calls “positive parenting.”
“Research shows that positive parenting helps children do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, and stronger mental health,” they said. It would be beneficial to this baby if their parents were more willing to actually care for them and do their duty instead of just passing them off to others.
Perhaps this uncle was harsh in his abject refusal to change his niece or nephew's diaper; after all, when a parent isn't home, it's certainly nice to have help from extended family. But he also should not have been guilted into doing it simply because his sister-in-law didn't feel like it. As one commenter sagely put it, "The parents were there and capable of changing the diaper. That is their responsibility. Anyone else that does it is a kind gesture. I would set the exact same boundary."
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
