If Someone Uses These 4 Phrases With You, They May Not Respect You The Way You Think
Vlada Karpovich | Pixels In the delicate dance of communication, some missteps can lead to a full stop. You may think someone respects you, but if they use any of these phrases with you, even 'as a joke,' they actually might not.
These phrases are often wrapped in humor, sarcasm, or the premise of 'just being honest,' which can make you question your own reaction instead of the behavior itself. But over time, that subtle undermining can chip away at trust and self-respect, leaving you feeling smaller than you should in a relationship that's supposed to make you feel good.
If someone uses these phrases with you, they may not respect you the way you think:
1. 'You're weak'
A large percentage of male identity is founded around the concept of strength both physical and emotional. So, naturally, saying that you think your man is weak is one way to hurt his ego.
If you say that you think your man is weak, it is one of the fastest ways to make him feel disrespected and unlovable. If you want a stable, healthy, loving relationship, avoid explicitly stating, or inferring, that you think your man is weak at all costs.
Researchers at the University of South Florida found that manhood is considered a precarious social status, which means that it's hard won and easily lost. When you tell your man he's weak, you're pulling the rug out from under one of the deepest parts of how he sees himself.
2. 'You're creepy'
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Another way to decimate a man is to tell him you think that he is creepy. At face value, this might seem obvious. But why is it such an important point? Creepiness, in effect, is a shorthand way of saying that this person’s intimate energy is unwanted.
The opposite of a healthy, virile, powerful, high-status, wildly attractive man that most any woman would feel elated to be with is someone whose energy is avoided. In short, a creep.
If you want your man to feel like you see him as an awful creature who lurks in the shadows, saying that he is creepy is how that would be achieved. The label 'creepy' is strongly tied to the sense that someone's romantic interest is unwanted and possibly threatening.
Researchers from Knox College explained that, "Creepiness is essentially the discomfort of not knowing whether someone's attention is safe or not."
3. 'You're a loser'
There are layers to what registers as attractive to people. And the core aspects that register to men and women vary quite consistently. On the what-attracts-women-to-men side of the equation, status is one of the most powerful factors at play. And what’s the opposite of a goal-crushing, highly respected, resourced, high-status man? That’s right: a loser.
If you tell your man that you think that he is a loser (and you mean it), that’s one efficient way to crush his spirits and have him act even more loser-like.
4. Saying nothing at all (stonewalling)
Sometimes, saying nothing at all (especially for extended periods of time) can be just as damaging as saying a deeply shaming word. Strategically engaging in radio-silence (often referred to as ‘stonewalling’) is a way that some people create a power imbalance in a relationship by punishing their partner with their temporary stoppage of all communication. And for men who had themes of neglect or abandonment in their childhood, stonewalling can be even more damaging.
When a woman engages in stonewalling with her partner with any regularity, this would quickly enter the realm of qualifying as emotional abuse. Does this mean that there can’t be moments when someone just needs a moment of silence to gather their thoughts or calm down from an emotionally charged conversation? Of course not. Needing a moment to collect yourself is very different from knowingly shutting out your partner and punishing them with your silence.
Stonewalling, when it comes down to it, is really just an adult form of a temper tantrum. It’s the stonewaller wanting the other person to feel as shut-out, disrespected, angry, or hurt as they do — but achieving that effect with abuse instead of just communicating honestly. If you’ve never been on the receiving end of stonewalling, or childhood neglect, consider yourself fortunate. This is not a fun thing to live through.
Sometimes it’s the things we say, and other times it’s the things we don’t say. Both can have far-reaching negative impacts on our intimate relationships. When it comes to maintaining a healthy, loving relationship, tact, grace, empathy, and kindness are all paramount.
Jordan Gray is a five-time Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with more than a decade of practice. His work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Women's Health, and The Good Men Project, among countless others.
