When Listening To Your Gut Feeling Isn't An Option

By Shyanne Kollefrath

We can’t always listen to our gut feelings.

I know it sounds crazy because we’re constantly told that our gut is right.

It might be true, but it’s not always possible to follow that instinct.

I recently went back to work after a 16-week maternity leave.

Every day on my way home from work, I get a gut feeling that something is off and I need to quit my job.

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Since I’m diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, I know there are more complex issues than I realize.

I know that to be true since the anxiety levels I experience in those moments are so much deeper than any I have ever had before.

I can’t quite put my finger on the cause behind this gut feeling that I need to stay home with my daughter.

I know that if anything happened to her while I was away at work, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself, but it doesn’t seem to be the reason. But the feeling is still there.

I know that leaving her with a sitter definitely isn’t the issue.

The short periods that my daughter spends with the sitter don’t cause me anxiety. It is only when I am coming home from my job that it starts to act up.

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I love my job. It provides a lot of great benefits and a paycheck that is necessary to stay afloat financially with my husband.

My husband and I both work hard and have a decent financial situation considering the economy.

But if one of us were to stop working, we would not be able to make it financially.

Becoming a work-from-home mom is not an option because it would require a stable internet connection, which I do not have. And it’s hard to change it.

So I am stuck with a gut feeling I cannot act upon. It drives me crazy.

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Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a solution to my problem.

I will continue to look for one every day, but until then, this feeling will continue to loom over my head like a gray rain cloud.

Could this be my postpartum anxiety? Absolutely.

Could this be my everyday anxiety? The answer, again, is yes.

This gut feeling just hasn’t been one I can shake, and only time will tell if it’s right or wrong.

I just hope my child stays safe through it.

Experiencing a gut feeling you can’t act upon is something I don’t wish upon anyone.

However, if it happens to you, just know you aren’t alone.

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Shyanne Kollefrath is a writer who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and parenting topics. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.