5 Things Millennial Women Seem To Be Done Apologizing For, No Matter How Offended Other People Get
Roland Denes | Unsplash Apologizing is a nasty habit I, like many other millennial women, developed at a young age. I’m not saying that apologizing for something you’ve done wrong is horrible, but I literally apologize for everything.
I will text someone a question, then immediately say, “Sorry to bother you,” or I will make dinner for my family then say, “Sorry if it’s not great... I really tried.” I tend to apologize for my own existence, for the air I breathe and for the space I occupy. Eventually, a friend of mine decided it was time to break this habit. “I dare you to go an entire week without apologizing to us!”
I have a love-hate relationship with competition, mostly because I am a perfectionist who loves to win. Therefore, I avoid any form of competition that I feel I may not win. I accepted this particular dare anyway, knowing in the deepest portions of my heart that I would fail miserably. Spoiler alert: It only took 24 hours for me to apologize.
My friend, fiercely stubborn and dedicated to improving my bad habit, allowed this competition to continue for several days with no success. I have yet to go an entire week without apologizing, but I have managed to start apologizing less.
The massive takeaway from this challenge has been the awareness of just how many parts of me that I do not owe anyone an apology. Nobody needs to apologize for being themselves, including me.
Here are five things millennial women seem to be done apologizing for, no matter how offended other people get:
1. I will not apologize for my body
Being brutally honest, I don’t love my body. That does not mean that I need to apologize for it.
I am overweight, but my weight does not require me to plead guilty. If you are thin, you do not need to apologize for that, either. I am short, but I’m not saying I’m sorry for it, and if you are tall, you don’t have to tell short people “sorry” for your height, either.
2. I will not apologize for my use of profanity (unless it is in the presence of children)
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I have a mild “potty mouth,” but that doesn’t make me a terrible person. I will no longer tell you that I’m sorry when I shout expletives while I’m driving in traffic or when I smash my finger in something. You never need to offer reparations for swearing in my presence either, unless my daughters are there of course.
Swearing triggers a fight-or-flight response in the brain that can increase your pain tolerance by up to 33%, according to a study in NeuroReport. Yelling an expletive when you smash your finger in a door is literally your body's built-in pain management kicking in.
3. I will not apologize for my intelligence
I’ve always felt that my expansive vocabulary and exceptional math skills required an expansive mea culpa when less intelligent people are present. I worked hard to educate myself in high school and college, and I continue to educate myself daily even as an adult.
My work ethic doesn’t warrant penance, and neither does my extensive knowledge that my hard work fostered. Don’t apologize for being smart, folks.
Research has found that intelligent women often face backlash because they're seen as violating "traditional gender expectations." What does that mean? It's a fancy way of saying people get weird when a woman is the smartest person in the room.
4. I will not apologize for my religious or political viewpoints
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Our world has become highly polarized, and my fear of conflict has always made me feel obligated to apologize for my personal views. I must stop apologizing for my deepest convictions.
It is okay to disagree with someone, and when we take the time to listen and share, disagreement can lead to learning opportunities for both sides. So, I will no longer apologize to people on the opposite side of the spectrum for my thoughts about the world, though I will gladly listen and accept their perspectives’ validity.
Again, it’s okay to stand firm in your religious and political viewpoints without feeling like you have to say you’re sorry for them just to avoid conflict. As psychologist Dr. Tchiki Davis explains, people who are truly authentic “own their identity without apology,” which means embracing your convictions while still being open to listening to others.
5. I will not apologize for my mental illness
I have come to terms with the extent of my mental illness. However, I have felt that my condition (and the behaviors my illness causes me to exhibit) required me to lurk in the shadows of shame, offering excuses and attempting to constantly make amends for anything anyone could possibly link to my disorder.
The reality is this: Mental illness is just like physical illness, meaning that it does not require anyone to apologize.
Nobody says, “I’m sorry; it’s just that I have cancer;” therefore, we shouldn’t feel an obligation to apologize for our anxiety, depression, or other disorders. You cannot help your brain’s wiring.
I am still working on trying to go an entire week without apologizing to my dear friend, but I’ve accepted that she won the dare. Without the opportunity to challenge myself to stop apologizing, I wouldn’t have discovered what I really need to change. I’m done apologizing for being myself, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to apologize for who you are, either.
Megan Glosson is a writer and editor whose work been published on Project Wednesday, The Mighty, Thought Catalog, MSN, and more.
