People Who Feel Deeply Hurt But Struggle To Say It Out Loud Usually Have These 6 Reasons
Sam Lion | Pexels There are some pretty specific reasons people who feel things deeply may struggle to tell another person out loud. Especially when it’s in a relationship if the person you're with is doing something that you don’t agree with. Even though communication is a vital part of a great relationship, it can be difficult for some people for some really emotional reasons.
People who feel hurt deeply but struggle to say it out loud in a relationship usually have these six reasons:
1. They don’t want to hurt anyone's feelings
When you have to correct someone, you feel bad because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. You’re probably a sensitive person yourself and don’t want to harm anyone else. It’s hard to speak up and give constructive criticism because you’re afraid they will take it personally, even though it might not be personal at all.
Study in the journal Brain and Behavior found that highly sensitive people show more brain activity in regions tied to empathy and emotional awareness, meaning they don't just notice your feelings, they actually experience them. When they hold back on saying something difficult, it's their brain processing your potential pain as if it were their own
2. They're afraid the other person will leave
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I feel like there is some universal pattern with many women, that they are constantly afraid the person they care about will walk out of their lives. I don’t know if it’s something to do with our generation and habit of ghosting, but relationships are about communicating and being able to tell the person how we feel.
Yet, when there’s a hint it might be something not so great, we hold off until the last second because we’re afraid our person will just throw in the towel. Please know that if someone truly cares about you, they'll work on it and might actually be glad you brought it to their attention.
3. They don’t know what reaction they'll get
Everyone is different with communication and taking criticism. Some people are grateful for it and appreciate it, while others get really emotional. They can take it the wrong way and feel like you personally attacked them, or they feel like you don’t have their back anymore. Because there is such a diverse outcome scenario, we seem to build the worst ones up in our head.
People who feel things deeply often hesitate to speak up because they don’t want to trigger a negative reaction or hurt someone they care about. Psychotherapist Marni Feuerman explains that when emotions run high, misunderstandings can happen fast, which makes sensitive people avoid communication to protect both themselves and the relationship.
4. They don’t want to seem like they're nagging
There is a huge difference between communicating and nagging. Nagging is straight-up nitpicking things that don’t really matter in the long run. Communication is calmly and effectively telling the person you’re in a relationship what you need from them.
Many women have a fear that our significant other will get these confused. They won’t see that we’re really trying and take it as us nagging. This forces us to avoid conflict until it builds up and explodes.
5. They were raised in a negative household
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You were raised in a condescending household. You could never do anything right as a child, and when you did try to stand up for yourself you were shot down. Your family was a bunch of naysayers and you were always told you were wrong. Because of this, you always second-guess yourself and wonder if you are correct instead of just being confident in yourself.
Children who grow up with critical, coercive communication styles internalize those negative messages and develop a deep fear of expressing themselves, even into adulthood, research has shown. They were literally trained to believe that speaking up would only lead to being shut down.
6. They've dated awful people before
You may not have the best track record when it comes to romantic relationships. In fact, you probably have one of the worst. So you’re used to not being able to effectively communicate with someone you care about.
They would turn it back on you and they would never take responsibility for their actions. They would always take it the wrong way because you’ve only ever dated them and that’s what you have been programmed to expect. It’s perfectly normal to not be great at communication. It’s something that is not easy to do and usually takes years of practicing to perfect, but don’t worry.
If someone wants to stay for the long run, they will understand, and as long as you speak with love and understanding, it will be great. Remember you’re important and you matter. So take a deep breath and tell him exactly how you feel. I promise that you’ll thank yourself later. If someone can’t handle it, they doesn’t deserve you.
Lindsey Grace likes writing about topics of relationships, pop culture and female empowerment.
