It's OK To Feel Alone Sometimes For No Reason At All

We can't always explain why we start to feel lonely.

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By Brittany Christopoulos

I will be the first one to acknowledge that I know how blessed and fortunate I am for the life I have. I have great health.

Moreover, I have a tight group of family and friends who love and value me. I have a career I’m proud of. I have character traits most would wish they could have.

And I know I’m loved. But, having all of these things doesn’t stop me from feeling alone.

RELATED: Just Because I'm Single And Lonely Doesn't Mean I Hate Myself

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I can’t always describe why I feel alone or what causes this sudden wave to crash over me. I could be having the best day ever, full of laughter and fulfillment, and then the moment I crawl into my dark bedroom, I feel instantly depressed and can’t control the weird feeling inside my chest.

What’s more, I’ve learned that I need to leave my house at least once a day, just so I don’t feel depressed. Even when my anxiety has me confined to my bedroom, I know I have to break free for a while, just to avoid spiraling into darkness.

When circumstances start to dictate when I can and can’t leave my house, that loss of control causes loneliness I’m not prepared for.

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The safety of my home suffocates me and catapults me to insanity. It makes me comfortable most of the time, reminding me I have a place I can feel safe and welcome without any judgement.

But that doesn’t change the damage it can cause me when I’m alone for too long. 

I wouldn’t say I prefer to be alone. Truthfully, I enjoy maintaining a healthy balance of socializing and needing my alone time. I’ve learned through self-reflection that I need to have at least some time for myself throughout the week so I don’t go crazy.

But at the same time, I need socialization to feel normal and fulfilled. That balance nourishes me.

I feel most alone on the days when I reach out to my friends asking for help and they don’t understand what I need. Sometimes, I want to talk about serious things just to get them off my chest, and other times, I just want to check in with them to see if they’re okay.

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But they get so absorbed in their own lives that they fail to realize they’re neglecting friendships. It’s hurtful. I know they may not realize they’re doing it, but at times, it makes me feel our friendship is one-sided; like they don’t value us or me as I thought they did.

I’ll admit that, sometimes, social media plays tricks on me — even though I know it’s not reality. It has a way of convincing me I’m not popular enough, because of my low like count or that I’m boring because of the content I post.

RELATED: 5 Completely Realistic Ways To Stop Feeling So Incredibly Lonely

However, even though I know none of that matters, it still makes me feel sometimes like I’m not enough.

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Furthermore, I think about the future far more than I think about the present. It’s important to have an idea of your goals and where you envision yourself. But, that makes me realize how much further I have to go.

My career could be better, I still don’t have a serious relationship and I’ll never move out of my parents’ place, simply because I’ll never be able to afford it. It makes me spiral into panic, uncertainty, and slight failure — even though I know I’m successful in my craft for someone my age.

Maybe I feel alone because I recognize that no one understands what I’m going through. It’s as though I’m the only one in my circle of people who is at this particular stage.

So when I talk about it, they look at me like I’m crazy — they simply can’t relate. They look at me and smile sympathetically, yet offer no help, guidance or comfort.

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I know we all go through these waves, but it’s extremely frustrating to never receive the pity or comfort I may need at times.

No matter what I’m going through or what demons I’m combatting, some days I just wish someone reached out and genuinely asked how I was doing. 

I don’t think I’ve had that in at least five years. I also can’t remember the last time someone left me a random message to make me feel better. 

Some can call me needy or an attention seeker for how I feel. But I’m just being honest with who I am or what I need. It’s natural to crave these things sometimes, and I’m unapologetic about that.

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I don’t mind being alone, but I hate feeling alone. And that’s the difference people need to realize, because it is the worst feeling in the world. 

RELATED: The Silent Reason You're So Lonely (That You Do To Yourself Every Day) — And How To Fix It

Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on self-love, self-care, and relationships. For more of her self-love content, visit her Twitter page.