If Your In-Laws Do These 7 Little Things Often, You're Probably Not Wrong For Feeling Off About Them
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva It can be challenging when you have problems with your in-laws. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, unbearable in-laws might even be a reason for you to reconsider the relationship. Not every awkward interaction means your in-laws are terrible people, sometimes personalities just clash, and it takes time to find your footing with a whole new family.
However, there's a difference between adjusting to each other and consistently feeling disrespected every time you're around them. If certain behaviors keep showing up and your gut keeps telling you something is off, it's worth paying attention to that feeling.
If your in-laws do these seven little things often, you may not be wrong for feeling off about them:
1. They meddle in your relationship
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This is a huge red flag. They may be your partner’s parents, but they shouldn't have a role in your relationship, especially when you’re in a disagreement. If they are the type that are always going to influence your relationship, you don't want that headache.
Psychologist Dr. Margot Brown explains that you’ll know a boundary’s been crossed “when someone asks you personal questions, consistently gives you unsolicited advice, or purposefully makes arrangements without asking for your input first.” She argues that this kind of in-law interference can chip away at your peace and your partnership.
2. They belittle you and your choices
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When I was with my ex, his parents would belittle me when I would drink with a friend or do things to better myself. This is a major sign that your in-laws are indeed a problem and it’s time for you to set some boundaries. They should be supportive, not put you down!
A 2025 study defined psychological abuse as insults, belittling, and intimidation, is directly linked to depression and anxiety over time. When your in-laws make comments about your choices or put you down for doing things that make you happy, it's a pattern that can seriously mess with your mental health.
3. They give you a set of rules to follow when it comes to their child
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My ex’s mother gave us a list of rules to follow, and if they weren’t met, she would punish him by taking his phone away for a day or two. Keep in mind we were 20 years old. This is extremely controlling and not something you should tolerate.
When someone’s family starts handing you a list of rules about how you’re allowed to date their adult child, it’s a boundary violation you’re allowed to push back on. As divorce attorney Jennifer Hargrave explains, “your boundaries are for you to enforce,” and you don’t have to tolerate parents trying to dictate the terms of an adult relationship.
4. They influence your partner’s life choices in a negative way
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This is a bad sign about your in-laws and your partner. As adults, we are in charge of our own lives. Parents should not try to make every decision for their adult children. Moreover, your partner should be setting boundaries with parents that try to do so. If they don’t, you should have an honest conversation with them or rethink the relationship.
Couples who set clear boundaries with in-laws report higher relationship satisfaction and lower stress levels, a 2023 study found. When your partner's parents are calling the shots on everything, it's working against your relationship, and your partner needs to be the one to draw that line.
5. They start fights over the littlest things
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No one should have to deal with needless fighting all the time. When I was with my ex, his family would start fights over any little thing that they disagreed with.
For example, one time, I posted something on Facebook about my celebrity crush and this caused a big fight to the point where I didn’t speak to my ex for four days. It’s way too much of a headache than it’s worth to deal with in-laws like this.
6. They make you ask permission to buy gifts for your partner
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Imagine that you have to get approval before going gift shopping for your partner. This is a major sign of having meddling in-laws! It shows that they want to have complete control over the small things, and they will do anything to get it.
Sociologist Evan Stark's research on coercive control found that people who feel the need to dominate others don't just focus on the big decisions, they also micromanage everyday choices. This is done as a way to slowly carve away your independence, and that includes things as small as what gift you're allowed to buy your own partner.
7. They have control over your partner’s daily schedule
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I wish I had realized how problematic this was when I was with my ex. His parents would have complete control over what he did throughout the day, from watching television to reading books.
Even if they live in the same town, they shouldn’t keep managing your partner as if he or she still lives under their roof. Plus, the in-laws are most likely to do the same thing if you were to get married.
Unwritten is a website that focuses on self-care, and health and wellness topics.
