If You Notice These 5 Subtle Signs, Experts Say You've Found A Rare Love That Survives Real Life And Old Age
Jcomp | Canva In the best relationships, you fit together like a hand in a glove. The familiarity is reassuring. When you have found love, it can subtly survive real life and old age without becoming lazy or careless. Research has shown the importance of learning to cope with the stress of the different phases of romantic development.
Fights brew, disagreements simmer, and the spark that pulled you together during the initial honeymoon period can fade. Bailing out when times get tough is certainly not what you signed up for, and it's far from the rare love you know is there. You crave a sign that you have a rare love, so we asked a group of relationship experts to help us understand the different signs of a rare kind of love that lasts into old age, and here's what they told us.
If you notice these subtle signs, experts say you've found a rare love that survives real life and old age:
1. A rare love gives their partner a place to grow
“The trick with unconditional love is to focus on the authenticity of a person; seeing their inner beauty and strength without getting caught up in what they say or do," says Ellen Nyland, a certified life and business coach. "If you don’t agree or like what your loved one says or does, you don’t take your ultimate love away, and you don’t take it personally. And if you have to let them go, you can let them go in love.”
2. A rare love accepts their partner's flaws
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“Unconditional love in the real world involves accepting your partner for the flawed, flesh and blood person they are, not the idealized version you might want them to be," says couples coach Lesli Doares.
It means accepting their feelings, perceptions, experiences, and viewpoints at face value without the need for them to defend or justify them because they are different from yours. Unconditional love can include making requests for changes in their behavior, but being able to graciously adjust if the answer is ‘no’.”
3. A rare love understands the difference between feelings and reality
“Unconditional love is being able to witness the anger, the sadness, the shame or guilt that arises in your partner and yet remain focused on the core of who they really are," explains counselor Mandy Agnew, Ph.D.
"Gaze upon your partner, see through their personality characteristics, and focus upon their divine love within. When we witness the divine in another, we bring that part of us to the forefront, and from this place comes the capacity for unconditional love.”
4. A rare love knows the value of staying present
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"First connect, then act. What if we pause for a moment, turn to the present moment, feel the heart, and connect for real before we speak or take action?" asks psychologist Nicola Amadora, Ph.D.
"Even the most challenging issues can be taken care of if we give precedence to truly meeting each other first. It is simple, feels natural, but connecting takes practice. For when we feel in touch with the pulse of life and each other, love emerges and shows a way, one you may not have seen before.”
5. A rare love understands there's room for 'we' and 'me'
“Intimacy is essential to a healthy relationship, but clinging is not so much. Paradoxically, the joy of being together is enhanced by the necessity of having time apart," says Stephen Dynako, author of The Self-Aware Lover.
"Love in its authenticity understands that each partner is not dependent but interdependent. The need to be constantly connected to one’s partner is more about fear, whether known or unknown, than it is about love. Love transcends space, so partners truly in love understand the power of their love regardless of their physical proximity at any moment.”
The basic definition of unconditional love is "affection without any limitations, or love without conditions." With movies and songs romanticizing only the beginning stages of relationships, knowing what love is meant to look like in a long-term relationship gets confusing. Unconditional love seems so far away from that.
But if having a rare kind of love is your goal, you're going to have to learn to grow together — to commit to deepening your love so it will survive in real life. Even if it sometimes feels less passionate, love can carry you both through the natural changes of a relationship that's built to last.
Aria Gmitter is YourTango's Senior Editor. She graduated from the Midwestern School of Astrology and has been a practical astrologer for 40 years.
