9 Fundamental Habits That Secretly Keep Couples Crazy About Each Other, According To Psychology
Things you can do together to strengthen your relationship, without any outside help.
Doug Bagg | Unsplash I often get clients in my office, or even friends, for that matter, who ask me, "What are the keys to being a couple who's crazy about each other?" I can remember asking that very same question myself before I married my husband. If you ask the older generation, the response is usually "good communication, love, trust, etc."
Studies from the American Psychological Association (APA) support that effective communication can improve marital satisfaction, especially in later life. However, after working with several couples and conducting several interviews, I came up with this list of fundamental habits that keep couples crazy about each other.
Here are nine fundamental habits that secretly keep couples crazy about each other, according to psychology:
1. Respect your marriage and take it seriously
This is big. If the marriage is going to work, both partners need to respect the marriage. You simply can't have people in your circle who don't respect your marriage. Furthermore, you need to take your marriage seriously. I'm sure you didn't get married as a joke, did you?
2. Keep your marriage fun
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Stop sulking and start living — liven up that dull marriage. Go have fun, and have lots of intimacy! You didn't get married to become a washed-up prude.
Marriage doesn't mean that you stop having fun or stop being an individual. Now you have a life partner with whom you can have double the fun.
Incorporating fun and playfulness into a marriage is not just a pleasant indulgence but a crucial element for maintaining a strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationship. One study indicated that date nights and other dedicated fun outings can significantly reduce the risk of divorce, especially for couples with young children.
3. Never withhold intimacy as a form of punishment
You'll both just end up mean and grumpy. Withholding intimacy, whether physical or emotional, erodes trust and creates emotional distance between partners.
A 2020 study argues that this makes it difficult to rebuild intimacy and emotional closeness, even if the withholding partner decides to re-engage.
4. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Communication is very important in a marriage. Talk to your partner. Trust me, they don't know what you're thinking — even when you think they should.
5. Know each other's love language
Knowing each other's love language will make life so much easier. Do you know yours? How we communicate with others is essentially how we would like our partner to communicate with us.
Unfortunately, that doesn't work. It's quite the opposite. We should communicate with our partner in his or her love language.
While some studies show that matching love languages is associated with greater relationship satisfaction, others find that it doesn't predict satisfaction in any meaningful way.
A 2024 study suggests that understanding and attempting to meet your partner's needs, regardless of whether they align with your own, can improve communication and emotional connection.
6. Never threaten divorce
Ultimatums and idle threats are low blows. Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, we tend to hit below the belt. It's unfair and unhealthy.
Don't issue an ultimatum or threaten divorce unless you intend to follow through. The response just might shock you.
7. Change your state of mind
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Are you praying for your partner? If not, you may want to start. (If prayer simply isn't your thing, speak affirmations.) Either way, you should support and uplift your partner, even when he or she isn't around.
Research suggests that remaining in a negative emotional state can be detrimental to marital satisfaction. Embracing a growth mindset, which involves being open to the idea that perspectives can change, also fosters personal growth and adaptability within the marriage.
8. Don't try to change your spouse
News flash: The person you married is the person you married. You knew who he or she was before you married him or her. Saying “I do” won’t change that — you won't magically get all that you dreamed of.
9. Never stop dating each other
You have to keep the romance alive. Spontaneity works. What you did to get him or her is what you need to maintain the relationship. Have fun with it!
Couples who have regular date nights or intentional couple time experience better communication and greater intimate satisfaction compared to those who don't. One study also mentioned that it doesn't have to be expensive, stating that many budget-friendly options can still be meaningful and enjoyable.
This is your lifemate, after all, isn't it? Now that you have the keys to success, it's up to you to unlock the potential in your marriage. Don't hesitate to step outside of your comfort zone and dare to try different things. Take your marriage to the next level!
Tanisha Sapp is a counselor and founder of New Level Empowerment and Consultation, LLC. She has over 10 years of experience in the human services field and specializes in trauma-focused counseling with adolescents and adults.
