Photo: TikTok
Nearly half of all grandparents have a secret favorite child but that doesn't make it any less hurtful.
By NyRee Ausler — Written on Mar 30, 2023
As quiet as it’s kept and as much as we’d like to believe that all children are loved equally, nearly half of all grandparents secretly have a favorite grandchild. It may be due to the child’s behavior or the connection their grandparent feels with them.
A woman named Kelci posted a series of videos to her TikTok account that have since been deleted detailing her hurt over the way her mother-in-law has started to treat her four-year-old daughter. The first video was titled “My kids will be treated equally.”
The upset mother claims her mother-in-law refuses to watch her middle child.
In a video that showed her three girls, one baby, and two small children, a caption read, “Mother-in-law: I’ll watch the baby and the five-year-old but send the four-year-old to daycare. She’s not allowed at my house.”
Because no context was given, viewers questioned what had happened to make a grandmother say something so hurtful about her granddaughter.
Though no further details are provided in that clip, it prompted many in the comments to ask for further details on the dysfunctional family. Many wanted to know how the husband addressed what his mother has said about the little girl while others just knew there was more to the story.
Kelci decided to take some time to respond to one person in particular who said, “It doesn’t matter [because] it’s wrong, but obviously we’re nosey and want to know about her reasoning. The TikToker answered the question in Part 2.
The caption for the second video started, “To clear things up a little, my 5-year-old and 4-year-old are from a previous toxic relationship. The four-month-old is my husband’s only biological child, but he takes care of all three as his own.”
As much as many of us would prefer to never admit it, that admission does changes the family dynamics. Many times, stepgrandchildren are already partially developed by the time they meet their new grandparents and according to AARP, need to have the necessary time to slowly develop a relationship.
Kelci went on to tell people watching that her mother-in-law initially accepted all three girls as her grandchildren, allowing the to refer to her as “grandma.” They loved her just as much and treated her as biological grandchildren would be expected to treat their grandmother. Then, according to the saddened mom, one day, her mother-in-law abruptly decided she would not longer care for the four-year-old because she was “bad.” She was still open to keeping the other two girls but was adamant that the allegedly misbehaved girl stays away.
The protective mommy offered that her mother-in-law was not being fair and equating normal kids’ behavior to being ‘bad.’ She believes that the woman has not given the four-year-old enough time to learn and that she doesn’t see how “sweet” the girl really is.
Kelci also added that she and her husband questioned his mother as to what she would do if their four-month-old, her only biological grandchild hit the ‘terrible twos’ and acted out. She shared that answer in yet another clip.
Stunningly, per the TikToker, her mother-in-law told her, “She’s young enough where I can just forget she was born,” an assertion that was met with a ton of backlash from commenters who advised that she keep all of her children far away from the woman.
With blended families more prevalent than ever, it’s important to know that bringing unrelated people together is likely to be a bit of a struggle.
According to a theory called ‘kin selection,’ people are more likely to invest financially and emotionally in those to whom they are biologically related. When it comes to grandparents, they see that investment as a contribution to their own future generations.
There is so much confusion about what a step-grandparents responsibilities are to the children and what kind of boundaries they can enforce when it comes to little ones who are technically not their grandchildren. Because of this, when building a relationship, these grandparents should start out as more of a ‘grand-friend,’ getting to know the kids first and creating a solid bond that does not naturally exist. That friendship is the foundation on which they can build a familial relationship.
We rightfully expect more out of our parents and in-laws, but must keep in mind that they are people, not angels. They, like us, have the right to prioritize things they enjoy and walk away from what disrupts the peace and harmony of their lives.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.