Photo: Instagram
She was surprised when her husband told her that her body wasn't the one he fell in love with, and didn't expect what he said next.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on May 14, 2023
Motherhood is a deep instigator of change, and not always in the ways someone expects. The journey into becoming a parent lasts longer than nine months of gestation– it continues from pregnancy to birth, and well into the daily act of raising a child. It’s a foundational shift, not only in how you think and feel but often, in how your body looks.
One mom had an honest conversation with her husband about her postpartum body not being the body he fell in love with.
Laura Mazza is a social worker, writer, and mom of three. In 2017, Mazza made a now-deleted Facebook post about her own feelings of insecurity about the ways her body had changed with pregnancy and birth.
Mazza told her husband, “This isn’t the body you fell in love with,” and his answer was not what she expected to hear.
She wrote, “The body he fell in love with was toned, it had muscles, there were no stretch marks on my belly, none on my boobs, no gut from muscle separation. The body he fell in love with could fit into tight jeans, could walk into a shop and grab any size and walk out, knowing it fit. This body now couldn’t shop at those stores and mostly wears leggings. His body stayed the same, but mine changed in every way. It isn’t fair.”
Mazza shared her vulnerability with her husband, who told her, “You’re right. This isn’t the body I fell in love with.”
But her husband didn’t stop there. He told her that her current body was “a body that grew our children, it fed our children, it comforted our children, it made life. Your body is the one I fall in love with every day. I didn’t know what love was until I saw this body and found out all it could do, so thank you.”
Mazza posted the tender moment she shared with her husband, sharing her own thoughts on self-love and acceptance.
She wrote, “Do not be ashamed of what you have, or what your mum body looks like, there’s plenty of time to give up cake in the future, for now, enjoy the moments you have, and enjoy the fact that you have made something that is worth every stretch mark and every dimple.”
“If you needed a reminder, this is it, this body you have now, it's worth every bit of love and more,” Mazza ended her post.
The conversation Mazza had with her husband highlights the ways in which bodies and the love we have for ourselves and our partners change over time. Nothing in this world is static. Growing up and growing older means entering different phases of our lives. It’s unrealistic to expect our physical appearance to remain unchanged as we experience the fullness of life.
On her TikTok account, Mazza posted photographs of two different versions of herself— the body she had before giving birth, and the body she has now. The picture of her post-baby body was overlaid with the words, “Still beautiful, still amazing, still a human who deserves love, confidence, and respect.”
Her post follows the mentality of body neutrality, which can be defined as an “approach [that] leans toward the belief that it doesn’t matter if you think your body is beautiful or not. Your value is not tied to your body nor does your happiness depend on what you look like.
Body neutrality differs from body positivity, in that it maintains you don’t always have to love your body; you can hold respect for your body and accept it as is, while also acknowledging that “ your body is only one part of who you are— not the totality. It also shouldn’t dominate how you feel about yourself.” Body neutrality is “based on the notions of acceptance and having respect for one’s body rather than love.”
Mazza’s message to herself and other moms is one of embracing their lives— and their bodies— as they are now, not how they once were, or how they’ll be in the future.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. As a former postpartum doula, she covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.