Photo: Roxiller from Getty Images via CanvaPro / Liza Summer / Moose Photos / Pexels
Many people pointed out that she would be insensitive to ask for the gifts back.
By Nia Tipton — Written on May 21, 2023
Usually, after someone you know has gone through something as dreadful and horrible as a miscarriage, you might get them flowers, a card, or overall try your hardest to be there for them during a difficult time.
However, one woman decided to do the complete opposite, and instead, decided she was going to ask for a gift to be returned to her that she had given her friend who had gone through a harrowing experience.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument or situation that has been bothering them — the woman was criticized heavily for being insensitive.
She is considering asking her friend who recently lost her baby for the baby shower gift back.
Straight out of the gate, the woman writing the post acknowledges that thinking about asking her friend to return a baby shower gift after having a miscarriage "sounds awful" but she feels that it is in her right to do so.
She explained that her husband has had a long-time family friend named Jen. While she and Jen aren't extremely close, they are still friendly with one another and when Jen welcomed her first child, the woman's husband bought a rather expensive gift for Jen.
"When Jen had her first kid my husband purchased a fairly expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift (around $200-$300 if I recall correctly)," she wrote in her Reddit post. "I had no issue with the gift or how much he spent, it was a nice item to gift her and we were excited for her to grow her family with her now husband."
Recently, Jen and her husband, who both earn well over six figures, announced that they were pregnant again. Both Jen and her husband sent the writer of the Reddit post and her husband their baby registry list which was filled with expensive items.
When she received Jen's baby registry list, the number of items on it surprised her.
The woman pointed out that she thought it was strange that Jen would need a whole bunch of new things for her baby when she should still have all of the old items from her first child that she should be able to reuse.
"I was also surprised she was asking for gifts when she was still in the first trimester, but I'm a cautious person who didn't announce my pregnancy until 20 weeks which I know is extreme on the other side," she added.
The woman's husband ended up buying most of the things on Jen's registry, which totaled about $400 that he spent. However, just a few weeks after he bought everything, Jen had a miscarriage. The woman assured readers that despite not being close to Jen at all, she was still hurting for a woman who lost her baby.
Photo: Reddit
However, it seems that sympathy doesn't extend too far. "It's been a few months since her loss and my husband is now unsure of how to navigate the gift. It's not something she can use for her older kid," she explained.
"Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it's probably past the return window anyway."
She claimed that outright asking Jen to pay them back for the gift would be insensitive, and while she and her husband are also high-earners, it is still a lot of money and they would like to have it back.
"It's one thing if she's able to get a few years of use out of the item, that's money well spent. But if it's going to sit in a box in her attic for years....that's where we are getting stuck."
The woman concluded her post by asking for help on if she should ask Jen for the baby shower gift back or just leave it. She tried to sweeten her approach by writing that she would want to regift the baby shower present to someone else who would now need it more.
"This is such a sensitive subject and we don't want to pressure her if she's not ready to discuss it," she remarked.
In the comments section, people agreed that she should not ask Jen for the baby shower gift back.
"It was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It’s gone," the top comment from a Reddit user read.
Another user suggested other things that Jen might do with the baby shower gifts she received, including: "donate it, gift it to a friend, turn it into a little shrine. You just don’t know what she’ll do with it and it’s none of your business.”
"There’s no tactful way to ask for it back without it looking petty and greedy, so just let it go," a third user insisted.
Supporting a friend through a miscarriage requires empathy, patience, and sensitivity, which won't be achieved if you're too busy trying to get your baby shower gift back.
Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.