Photo: TikTok
Ever been dumped over a simple issue? Here’s why.
By Hawthorn Martin — Written on May 01, 2023
To those who have ever had a relationship abruptly end for a seemingly simple issue, it is a frustrating experience, to say the least. With all the unanswered questions, the feeling of “I could have done more,” and confusion, it makes sense that those who feel they have been dumped end up turning to the Internet to find closure.
Fortunately, Tik Tok has the answers.
One woman cracked the code of “break-up-ology,” and explained the secrets behind men getting dumped by their girlfriends for “no apparent reason”.
She explained that men who think they were dumped for 'no reason' don't understand how women think.
She walks through the progress of an example relationship that begins off as happy and healthy, and then slowly comes into conflict over time.
The first step to the problems this relationship experiences is, what she describes as, a simple, fixable problem. She gives the example of the girlfriend wishing she received “good morning” texts from her boyfriend.
Because at this stage of the relationship, this girl is happy with the relationship and loves her boyfriend, she is comfortable bringing the simple problem to him and requesting that he send her those messages.
However, over time, something begins to change. For whatever reason, the simple problem resurfaces. For example, the boyfriend stops sending those good morning messages, despite having been previously asked to.
Jennifer explains how this can lead to hurt feelings from the girlfriend: “now she thinks that you don’t care enough about her to send her good morning texts even though she asked.”
However, because the issue is still relatively minor, and the relationship is still important to her, she will just remind the boyfriend of the issue. If he once again forgets to put the effort in, then her suspicions of being not cared for will feel like they have been confirmed.
This begins a pattern of distrust in the mutual effort being put into the relationship.
What started off as a small problem has now become a big problem, which then leads to a serious concern for the shared affection in the relationship.
The girlfriend in question may start to worry if her boyfriend actually cares about her as much as she does him, and will now begin to pay more attention to minor concerns that had previously not been an issue.
Jennifer gives examples of simple fights the girlfriend might pick, like “not complimenting my haircut” or “leaving dishes in the sink”, all because she has started to suspect that he doesn't care about her.
Over time, as these issues persist without meaningful change, those little fights will eventually become cemented in the girlfriend’s mind as unattractive qualities of her boyfriend that consistently remind her that she is not cared about.
“So now the problem is not these things, it’s not even that you don’t care enough,” Jennifer explains. “It’s not even that she never got good morning texts, it’s that she literally does not like you anymore.”
So now, when the relationship splits up, and the reason given seems to be something little and easily fixable, it has actually been the result of a divide in trust that has escalated into something much more serious than it started off as. Fixing the little issues is no longer an option, because the girlfriend has lost interest in her boyfriend as a person, and doesn’t want to fix the relationship.
“In reality, she never dumped you at all. This was a slow-moving process that eventually LED to the final reason.”
The example is, of course, a very simple example of what could be a much more complicated issue in real life.
Maybe good morning texts are not possible for a relationship due to a busy schedule, bad Wi-Fi at a job, or a million other little things that get in the way. However, the issue at hand is not being communicated with the partner, and so feelings of doubt and alternative reasoning for the request's failure to hold can creep in.
The point of the anecdote is to emphasize that the little things are often more important than some might think, and ignoring a request without reason or talking about it can lead to feelings of doubt or suspicion.
The most important thing to do in any relationship is to pay attention when your partner asks you for something, even a small thing. If that request isn’t possible in the long term for whatever reason, you have a responsibility to express that reason as well. The healthiest relationships are possible with a little transparency!
Hawthorn Martin is a news and entertainment writer living in Texas. They focus on social justice, pop culture, and human interest stories.