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There's nothing right about this situation.
By Isaac Serna-Diez — Written on Jan 10, 2022
A stepfather went to Reddit recently to seek some wisdom from the internet philosophers on the subreddit “r/AmItheA--hole” about his current situation with his wife and her ex-husband.
The stepfather and his wife, Claire, got married 2 years ago, and she shares custody of her daughter, who is six years old, with her ex-husband, Adam.
Things were going along relatively well until one day, Claire decided that she would install cameras into Adam’s home after he got a new girlfriend who was planning on moving in soon.
Now, the stepfather is wondering if he should tell his wife's ex about the cameras.
If you can forget about the cameras for a minute, the situation laid out in the post seems relatively normal.
Stepfather is the original poster, check. He’s been married to Claire for two years, check. There’s an ex-husband named Adam, check. There’s a child with a custody agreement, everything’s in order.
But then the red flags start flying in when the poster gives more details about his wife's view of her ex.
“Adam has not dated anyone ever since he and Claire got separated, Claire always talked about how this was a good thing because she believes that my stepdaughter is better off without a witch stepmom to boss her around and abuse her,” he writes.
This feels like some sort of deflection — like Claire is trying to assign another reason to the fact that she’s happy that Adam hasn’t seen anyone else since they separated.
How does she know the new stepmom would just turn out to be a witch? But wait, it gets worse.
“Then, Adam started seeing his now girlfriend about 8 months ago, Claire wasn't happy about it — in fact, she was livid that Adam introduced my stepdaughter to his girlfriend so soon. Claire demanded meetings with Adam's girlfriend to test and see what kind of stepmom she will be for my stepdaughter.”
There’s something very clearly wrong here, but it’s hard to figure out what’s behind it. Is Claire far too obsessive over their stepdaughter, or is she still not over Adam?
We have no idea how long ago they had been separated, but to celebrate the fact that your ex-husband hadn’t dated anyone and then to react so negatively when he finally does? It’s a little suspect, no matter the reasoning she gives.
He said he tried to give it little attention because he didn’t enjoy the drama and his mother-in-law’s involvement, but then things got worse.
He learned that his wife was secretly planning to spy on her ex.
“However, I very recently found out that Claire installed several cameras in Adam's house while he and his girlfriend were away on a trip,” he said, mentioning that Claire had the keys to his house because their daughter’s things were there.
Now, everything has gotten substantially worse.
The original poster has mentioned that he wants to tell Adam because morally, it’s wrong, and legally, it’s even worse, but that Claire’s reaction has made him not want to as she has pitted her mother against him and always thinks he’s not on her side and whatnot.
She has said it’s temporary, and that she’d remove them when she confirmed that the girlfriend wasn’t abusive, but he doesn’t believe her.
“Am I The A--hole” is a subreddit for exactly what it sounds like — to tell a person whether or not their role in a certain situation makes them an a--hole and to give them a rating based on the stranger’s opinion.
The rating system is based on comments that will either read, NTA, which stands for “Not The A--hole,” YTA, which stands for “You’re The A--hole,” NAH, which means “No A--holes Here,” or ESH, which means “Everyone Sucks Here.”
Unsurprisingly, everyone was very supportive of his position and gave him an “NTA” rating, because he wasn’t the one in the wrong here — she’s very clearly committing a crime.
“NTA, you need to tell him. This is illegal and you could get in trouble now if you knew and took no action,” said the top comment, straight and to the point.
If it so happens that Adam finds out and he pressed charges, charges could be placed on the stepfather now because he knew about the cameras and did nothing to stop it.
The next comment touched on Claire’s feelings toward Adam and whether or not there was a bigger picture problem that’s being ignored.
“NTA - This is beyond crazy and quite frankly disturbing. If I were you, I would take a long hard look at your wife and ask yourself if she is really over the Ex. The fact she celebrated him not having a relationship and moving on and how she reacted when the girlfriend came into the picture.”
The lengths that Claire seems to be going to are really quite bizarre and only make sense if she’s not entirely over the ex — there’s just no sensible reason to want to surveil someone without any evidence of prior abuse towards the daughter, which is a point that the stepfather made.
He’s definitely not the one in the wrong here but could be found in the wrong in a court of law, so he should tell Adam about it before it comes down to that.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.