Photo: TikTok
No matter what she said, he refused to watch their kids—and her heartbreak is palpable.
By John Sundholm — Written on Apr 29, 2023
We talk all the time nowadays about the "emotional labor" involved in being a wife and mother and how parenting is a full-time job—at the very least—that goes not only unpaid but all too often unnoticed and unappreciated.
But as much as we talk about it, and as much as times change, the expectations placed on mothers are all too often rooted in wildly outdated expectations and gender norms—expectations that turn an already taxing job into one that can become emotionally untenable.
A resurfaced video that has gone viral across social media platforms gives a startling glimpse into this pattern that all too many women are finding all too relatable.
A video shows a wife and mother being told by her husband 'It's your job' to take care of their kids.
The woman in the video was already in town doing the shopping for her household at the time, while her husband was home with their kids. She simply asked him to continue watching them for an extra house so that she could see a friend, a request her husband did not look kindly on.
The woman's husband claims he doesn't "know what to do with" their kids, and demands she come home.
The mom asked her husband point-blank how often she ever gets to have a social life. "How often is it—and be honest—how often is it that I get to just pop into town just with a friend? It never happens," she said.
Her husband responded, "What do you mean? You're in town right now, it happens a lot," seemingly forgetting that she was in town to shop for their family.
Her husband then claimed he didn't know what to do with their kids and that they "want their mum to cook dinner for them." Flabbergasted, the wife asked her husband to explain what he meant, and he angrily said he tries to talk to them, but they're three and six and he doesn't know how. "This is why I need you to look after them," he shouts.
The wife told her husband he should want to spend time with his kids, but he complained that watching his kids doesn't count as a 'day off.'
"Do you think I ever get a day off?" the woman asked her husband. She went on to say that it "boils my blood" that her husband not only didn't want to spend time with their kids but that he seemed to have no understanding or appreciation for how hard she worked.
"The fact that you're not on the phone right now saying ... You've been working so hard, go and enjoy yourself," she told him, going on to exclaim in shock, "You don't even want to spend time with them!"
Her husband replied by saying she was already 15 minutes late to be home to cook the kids dinner and give them a bath.
"I just feel like you've got a clock on me all of the time," the woman responded.
"I need you to watch the kids," her husband replied. "That's your job."
The wife confessed to her husband that the level of effort he puts into both their children and their marriage breaks her heart.
She did acknowledge how hard he works to provide for their family financially.
But of course, there is more to providing for a family than just money, and the woman tried to impress upon her husband that both she and their kids need his time, too, and all too common feeling among wives and mothers as the TikTok below shows.
It didn't seem to have any impact on him whatsoever, though. He simply responded by telling her that if she weren't trying to go out drinking with her friends, he would be able to put more time into their relationship.
Exhausted by his bad-faith approach to the conversation, she finally relented, telling him that he'd ruined her outing with her friend anyway. "I'm coming home so that you can go and do whatever you want to do," she angrily told him. He responded by saying "That's the way it's meant to be."
Experts agree that a conflict like this is a major red flag.
The most noticeable thing about this couple's conversation is that they don't seem to share the same priorities.
In the video below, author and relationship expert Mel Robbins breaks down nine issues she thinks indicate a fundamental disconnect and lack of respect between couples, and chief among them is a lack of what she called "shared values."
"Trust and honesty in a relationship are super important," Robbins says, "but so is the fact that you and your partner have a vision of how together you can create a more meaningful life."
And when it comes to their kids, commenters who feared that their relationship with their father might be damaged by his seeming lack of interest are probably on to something.
As writer Miranda Rose told us of her own childhood experience with her unhappy parents, "I was never too young to understand. I knew exactly what was happening. Mommy and Daddy don't like each other."
Rose went on to say that she thinks she would have been better off if her parents had split up, and that it has taken her until adulthood to understand that not all men are like her father was.
Hopefully, this woman's husband can find a way to be there for his wife and kids before it's too late.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.