Photo: Arsenii Palivoda / Shutterstock
"Motherhood is not for everyone."
By Megan Quinn
Last updated on Feb 22, 2024
People often sugarcoat the journey of motherhood, posting adorable videos and photos of their children that give many of baby fever and often emphasize how much they love being a mother. This glamorization of motherhood may lead women to feel unprepared when they begin to experience the difficult reality of it all as it's easy to underestimate just how drastically life changes after becoming a mom.
One mother’s brutally honest take on motherhood took the Internet by storm and brought out mixed reactions from viewers.
The new mom shared that she thinks motherhood 'sucks' and listed all the reasons why she 'hates' it.
Nikki Munoz, who became a first-time mom in 2022, revealed her true feelings about motherhood in a now-deleted TikTok video that was reposted by other creators.
“Motherhood [expletive] sucks and I hate it,” she admitted in the video.
In the video, she listed all the things about motherhood that she detests: Having to feed and burp her son, putting him to sleep, being the default parent, doing the same thing every day, holding him all the time, tiptoeing around her house while he sleeps, and paying attention for long periods of time.
While the mom's words may seem harsh, she brings to light a sentiment that many moms may feel but are afraid to voice.
As difficult as parenting can be, motherhood is a gift, so Munoz's video unsurprisingly angered a lot of people. After getting extremely vulnerable with viewers, many of them were concerned about the mother’s choice of words and questioned her love for her son, which ultimately forced her to remove the video.
However, Munoz is far from alone in her feelings about motherhood. According to a 2021 survey of over 1500 people, 68% of who had at least one child, 8% of them admitted to regretting having kids. But as sociologist and author Orna Donath told Newsweek, the true percentage of parents who regret becoming a parent is likely much higher.
"I personally think that we will never be able to know how many parents regret [having children] since it is taboo," she said. "I don't think that most parents regret it; I do think though that more parents regret it than we would like to know and acknowledge," she added.
In fact, as a woman named Agnieszka Chlebowska explained to Newsweek, motherhood does objectively have more cons than pros.
"I honestly do not comprehend how people say it is all worth it," Chlebowska said. "It is exhausting and most of the time a completely unrewarding experience."
Munoz made it clear that hating motherhood does not equate to hating your child.
Despite the backlash, Munoz did connect with some moms who thanked her for her transparency. Mothers felt seen and heard by Munoz, including actress Julia Fox, who commented that she "couldn't agree more" with Munoz's point of view.
“I love my child more than life. I hate every minute of motherhood,” one person confessed.
“I love my babies more than anything but I would 100% not recommend motherhood,” another added.
A few months after her original video, Munoz posted a follow-up video and shared whether or not her view of motherhood had changed.
“I still hate it,” she said, adding that "it still sucks."
She defended her opinion and believed that she “doesn’t need to justify” the love that she has for her son. She added that when she posted her original video she was “fresh in the trenches” of motherhood, as her baby was only a few weeks old at the time. Nearly five months later, however, her feelings remained the same.
Although motherhood has not been a positive experience for Nikki, she shares that she is “amazing” at it.
“Do I like it? No. But I’m amazing at it,” she says.
She also offered some wisdom to those who expressed that her video contributed to the fact that they would not be having children themselves.
“The thing is, [motherhood struggles are] kind of unavoidable. Parenthood will test your every single limit,” she says. “I’m not kidding when they say that."
While Nikki believes that motherhood does not “get easier,” it does “feel more familiar” over time as you establish a routine and roll with the punches.
“There are still days where I sit in his room in the dark furious that he’s not sleeping and wishing I was dead,” she admitted.
However, she advised viewers not to let her video influence their decision to have their own children as motherhood can look different for everyone.
If you're a parent struggling with persistent low mood, tearfulness, feelings of overwhelm, low self-esteem, extreme fatigue, or low motivation, help is available. Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.