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Her loving partner of 10 years transformed overnight and she's deeply worried.
By John Sundholm — Written on Feb 25, 2023
New babies are hard on every couple, even in the easiest and most ideal circumstances.
Add in problems like sleep deprivation and postpartum depression—which can even affect fathers as well as new mothers—the adjustment can be shockingly difficult.
But one woman's partner's response to their new baby girl has been downright shocking.
And as she shared in a post to the "r/beyondthebump," a subreddit for new parents, what's happened to her partner of 10 years since bringing their new baby home has left her not just surprised, but worried and afraid.
A mom on Reddit fears her baby daughter has turned the baby's father into a 'woman hater.'
The mom writes that she and her partner of 10 years already have a young son and a 3-month-old daughter.
They chose not to find out the sex of their babies prior to them being born. Throughout her pregnancy, her partner expressed that he hoped it would be a boy.
He often told her, "I don't know how I'm going to cope if it's a girl," but she didn't think much of it. He was indeed devastated that the baby was a girl, but promised her he loved the baby no matter what.
A few weeks after her birth, the mom's stay-at-home-dad partner refused to care for their new baby girl.
He told her he can't "cope" with the fact the baby is a girl and that she needed to take over 100% of the responsibilities for the baby.
She is currently on maternity leave and also caring for their son, who is struggling to adjust to the new baby in his own way.
"I'm juggling the 100% needs of her," she writes, "and...caring for my son who is upset he has lost the 100% attention he gets from mommy."
The mom's partner has begun yelling misogynistic insults at her and insisting she stay away from their son.
Things escalated on a recent evening when her son became upset during bathtime. When she went to comfort him, her partner exploded in a torrent of misogyny and toxic masculinity.
She says he began yelling at her to "stay away from" their son because she is "turning him into a pus-y." He says he doesn't want her interfering while he is "manning him up."
He then claimed he wanted her to stay away from their son because "I'm male and you're female so you don't know how he thinks but I do!"
She let it go because she didn't want to upset the kids during the bedtime routine, but then things escalated further.
The misogynistic dad has refused to even show affection to their baby daughter.
As she was getting their baby girl ready for bed, the mom took the baby to her dad for a "nightie kiss," and the dad refused to interact with his daughter.
She was understandably shocked, especially considering that the baby "didn't do anything wrong," as she put it.
But when she protested and said this to her partner, he responded, "She's female she's in your camp."
The mom is now afraid to raise her daughter with her partner.
She stresses that in the entire 10 years they've been together, he has never acted like this, and the change has come seemingly out of nowhere.
"I walked off so upset and angry," she writes. "He has never spoken like this and I don't know what to do."
"Surely I can't raise my daughter with a man who now apparently hates women."
Reddit commenters were horrified by her story, and urged her to do whatever she must to keep her children safe.
Take the kids and run. You and the children need to be in a safe environment. He needs profound professional help.
And many of them felt there was only one way for her to do so—to get away from her kids' father as soon as possible.
"Take the kids and run," one user wrote. "You and the children need to be in a safe environment. He needs profound professional help."
"I really hope you get out of this situation ASAP," wrote another Redditor.
"I just really hope that you insist that he be properly evaluated and don't leave your children alone with him until you know what's going on," one person urged. "Really hope everything turns out okay one way or another for you and your kids."
Others worried her partner had been influenced by various far-right, "incel" and "men's rights" activists online who routinely spout similar rhetoric about gender roles and masculinity.
"This is pure incel territory. It's time to get out," one person wrote. "Is he hanging out with new friends? Following some new Andrew Tate bullsh-t?" another Redditor wondered.
"Sounds like he's gone down some kind of far-right/incel/'men's rights' rabbit hole," another user said. "This stuff is everywhere online nowadays...and makes [men] think, say and do utterly insane things. Do not take it lightly."
Many others wondered if the father might be suffering an episode of psychosis related to postpartum depression (PPD) or some other mental health crisis.
And several pointed out that her children are at risk of real harm if this is who their father is.
As one person put it, "Children come into this world pre-programmed that the way they are treated by their parents is what love is..."
"Please don't let the man you have described have anything whatsoever to do with either of your children without some big genuine changes in his attitude."
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional, physical, verbal abuse or domestic violence, you’re not alone and there are resources to get help.
For more information, resources, legal advice, or to get help by phone, chat or text, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or if you’re unable to speak safely, text START to 88788.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HOME" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.