Foster Mom Discusses People Who Fundraise To Adopt A Baby—'If You Can't Afford A Baby, Why Are You Adopting?'

Her post sparked a heated discussion about adoption in the US.

Screenshots from @fostertheteens Instagram Instagram

Adoption can be a life-changing option for aspiring parents who are unable to conceive biologically and for children who need a home, but this woman on TikTok raised an important issue with the process. In her video, Brittany talks about how she “changed her mind” on private infant adoption after seeing someone fundraising $20,000 to adopt a baby.

Brittany’s issue wasn’t with the person who was holding the fundraiser. “A lot of people do that because infant adoption in America is very expensive,” she explained.




But seeing the fundraiser made her think to herself, “What would happen if the mother of that baby posted that she needed $20,000 to keep her baby? I’m pretty sure everyone would just say ‘If you can’t afford a baby then why did you get pregnant?’ Nobody ever says ‘If you can’t afford an adoption, why are you adopting?’"


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The foster mom’s post about private infant adoption in the US stirred up controversy.

Her point was to emphasize the double standard at play with adoption versus keeping the child with their birth family.

While there are certainly many cases where money is not the sole reason that a child needs to be rehomed, there are also situations where the original family of the child might have been able to keep the child if they were given adequate financial support.

Commenters on the video brought up that people’s willingness to help prospective parents to go through the expensive process of adoption rather than aid people struggling to support their existing families says a lot about people’s perceptions of who should be parents.


“This is basically about who our society deems ‘worthy,’ i.e. if you’re poor, it’s your fault and you don’t deserve to ask for help in raising your children,” said one commenter.

Another said, “I have seen so many kids in foster care where if the mom was receiving the money that the foster parents receive, those kids most likely would not have ended up in foster care.”

One person shared her own experience with this process, saying “I made that decision exactly because I was a teenager who had no financial means to raise a baby. His adoptive parents being in their 30’s had that stability. I would have kept him if I could have had help. Water under the bridge now ... we are reunited ... but we both lost a lifetime of memories due to not having resources.”

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Adoption can be a very personal subject, and people had a lot to say.

While many people took to the comments to defend adoption, others stated that they were missing the point of the video. There are absolutely circumstances in which adoption and foster care are the best option for a child.

However, the priority should be enabling parents who are able and want to keep their children with resources to care for them rather than simply rehoming them with a wealthier family.

“Really, adoption is the worst-case scenario,” said one commenter. “It’s nearly always better for the child to stay with the original family. And when you hear about these mothers who feel pressured into giving their babies up for adoption it makes you go hmmm … why isn’t there support for these moms to keep their babies?”


In the words of one commenter, the consensus of the discussion seemed to be that “adoption should be about the needs of a child. Not the wants of the adult.”

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Jessica Bracken is a writer living in Davis, California. She covers entertainment and news for YourTango.