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Dad Divides Internet With Ultimatum He Gave Daughter Before Agreeing To Pay For Her College

Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Girl going to college

A man has divided Reddit users after revealing the ultimatum he gave his daughter about her college tuition.

The father feels that he was left with no choice but to turn to Reddit for advice amid the conflict so he took to Reddit's AmITheA-hole subreddit. 

In the subreddit, users vent about a dilemma their facing in their lives — usually one that has gotten them in trouble with people in their lives.

Once they've let it all out, the community will decide between four verdicts YTA, “you’re the a-hole,” NTA, “not the a-hole,” ESH, “everyone sucks here,” or NAH, “No a-holes here.”

The father said he wouldn’t pay for his daughter’s college unless she reconciled with his family.

He begins his post by saying he has a 19-year-old daughter, who he calls Ariel for this story. He and his ex-wife Lauren had Ariel when they were young, it was a struggle for them, but they got through.

The relationship ended when his wife's friend told him she was texting multiple guys behind his back.

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The father said Lauren made his life a living hell after the divorce.

“Lauren badmouthed me, would miss pick-up times and make decisions without talking to me. Her dad offered money to relinquish custody; I told him off,” he explains. 

Now, Ariel is 19 and has started college. The deal he and his ex-wife made was that payments would be split between them.

The man says he has been remarried since his daughter was six but claims Lauren turned Ariel against his wife, Tori, and the 13-year-old they share.

"She excludes them. Whenever she spends the night she will just talk to me or go to her room if my family was around," he says, adding that Ariel and her half-brother have no relationship.

"Her mom has convinced her I cheated with her friend and had a baby. Which is funny because as I’ve pointed out, the timelines don’t even match up," he explains.

"I’ve done everything at this point including family time, one-on-one and therapy. Ariel is plain rude to them and they are done trying."

When Ariel threw a high school graduation party, she invited her dad but not his family.

“I told Ariel I found that disrespectful. So I’d send a card but wouldn’t be going. She didn’t care and we haven’t spoken since.”

Recently, Lauren reached out to ask when he would be paying Ariel's college tuition, explaining that she had already paid the first semester. He told her he was no longer paying.

“I’m not pulling money out of my household when Ariel is disrespectful to 2/3rds of it,” the father said in his post.

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Lauren wasn't happy with this saying they had an agreement, but he brought up her many attempts to push him away.

“You have what you’ve always wanted. Full control and custody. You won. So figure it out.”

He told Lauren that she would have to set the record straight and stop feeding lies to Ariel if she wanted him to be involved.

"I called Ariel and told her the same. Gave the reasons I’m not paying and told her she needed to look into loans. But I would pay for college if she at least tried to form a bond with my family because she created this situation with her attitude."

Reddit users were divided about whether the father is doing the right thing.

"Like it or not they are family and if she refuses to be a part of that family she has no right to additional support from it. She can’t have it both ways. He paid child support. He made sure she was taken care off growing up. She is now an adult and has to deal with the consequences of her actions," reads one top comment on the post.

Others argued that the father doesn't have a right to go back on his word or add conditions to the agreement retroactively — he agreed to pay her tuition before he asked her to form a bond with his family so he doesn't have a right to tell Ariel she has to do all these things in order to get the money she was promised.

"If he doesn't pay, he is confirming every bad thing she was told about him," another user wrote.

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Kurtis Condra covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics for YourTango. He is also a poet based in San Francisco, California. You can keep up with his poetic journey on Instagram.