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Thankfully the professor had a sense of humor — and no hang-ups about his baldness!
By John Sundholm — Written on May 12, 2023
College is about many things—learning, lifelong friendships, growing into the person you've always wanted to be—but it is also about drinking. In fact, that's oftentimes the lion's share of what it's about for many students.
It's unknown if college student Patrick Davidson was one of those kids going to school for a degree in intoxication, but on one particular night when he emailed his professor he certainly was, and the results are the stuff of internet legend.
A college student drunk-emailed his professor for an extension on an assignment.
The email is the stuff cringe is made of. Laced with profanity and absurdity, it veers from barely coherent to basically incomprehensible and back again, while also insulting the professor on two different occasions. It's the email equivalent of that nightmare where you show up to class with no pants on. It's also undeniably hilarious.
The student's drunk email to his professor is full of profanity and mocks the prof's baldness.
The email is unforgettable right from the very first line. "Mr. Martin," Davidson wrote, "just lettin u kno that u r a motherfu-kn g and I'm sorry that u r bald. Lol." That "lol" is doing so much heavy lifting here. And thank God for its inclusion! Because the email gets even more hilariously bad from there.
"If u want I can hook u [up] with a girl who can get ur hair back and keep u bangin," Davidson goes on to write, and this is the point at which the email becomes almost untenable for those of us with scorching cases of secondhand embarrassment. Still, Davidson's sincere affection for his professor shines through and you can't help but root for him!
From there, he asks for an extension on his assignment because "I'm really fu-ked [right now] and will b sick [as fu-k] tomorrow." We stan an honest king!
The student's drunk email to his professor has gone on to become a legendary internet slang phrase—'good yard.'
The student closes his drunk email in the most hilarious and endearing way possible. "Keep slayin boi," he writes, before signing off as one might to their dad instead of their professor—"love u and c u Monday." What comes next has gone on to become a legendary bit of internet slang.
"Good fu-kn yard," Davidson wrote before signing his name. To this day nobody seems to know what exactly that means, though it's believed to have been an auto-correct error. One that has lived on for years, with its own Urban Dictionary entry, more than two billion Google results, and a life of its own as a slang phrase. Good yard, indeed!
The student's professor seemed to love the drunk email—as well as its 'good yard' catchphrase.
Honestly, the student's drunk email to his professor went about as well as a drunk email to a professor could possibly be expected to go. In short, his professor seemed to love it—baldness mockery and all.
"Sounds like you had a great night," Mr. Martin writes before going on to actually grant the extension Davidson asked for—a gesture many professors wouldn't even dream of doing based on the drunkenness alone, let alone the baldness comments.
But Mr. Martin clearly has a sense of humor. "I appreciate your concern for my bald head," he goes on to write, but adds that "my wife likes it and I don't get paid enough to get hair implants." Go on and rock that chrome dome, Mr. Martin— "gs" don't need hair plugs!
Mr. Martin then asked Davidson to divulge what he was drinking so that he can have "a bottle of whatever you had so I don't have to remember what you said." Sick burn, Mr. Martin! The professor then completed his perfect comedic styling by using the catchphrase Davidson inadvertently coined. "Good yard," he wrote in closing, "Mr. Martin."
Not that we're advocating emailing your professors while profoundly zooted on whatever rot-gut vodka is on sale at the 7-11 across from the quad. But if you or a college kid you know is looking for a way to be remembered by a professor forever and always? Well... "good yard," as the saying goes!
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.