People Who Grew Up In Financially Unstable Homes Usually Carry 8 Money Habits Into Adulthood
ProCinemaStock | Shutterstock Kids whose parents struggled with money often deal with stress that can affect their social and even mental well-being, when compared to kids from higher-income families.
Often, these kids grow into financially competent adults, but they can still cary some subtle signs that their childhood innocence was tainted by money worries. In some cases, they can also be wildly misunderstood, called stingy or controlling. In reality it’s adult children doing their best to deal with these feelings from the past.
People who grew up in financinally unstable homes often have 8 money habits as adults:
1. They often are not the most generous people
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Many kids from financially unstable families end up hoarding and over-saving money later in life. They may not be the first to offer to pay for someone or contribute to a group pot of money, because they’re used to pinching pennies and trying desperately to keep their hands on their own money.
Many of these adults spent their childhoods trying to deal with uncertainty and insecurity around money, and that doesn’t just fizzle out now that they're grown, it just changes shape. Unfortunately, a lot of the people around them may misunderstand this reaction and call it greed, when in reality it's based in fear.
2. They can't stop themselves from checking their accounts all day
The majority of Americans currently feel stressed about money. We’re living in an economic climate where it’s rare to not occasionally worry or stress about the state of your finances. However, people who grew up feeling financially insecure may take these concerns to the next level.
They’re the people who obsessively log into their bank accounts and over-monitor their money, usually to feel a sense of control. Their childhood made them feel like money could just disappear, and even if their adult selves understand that's not really how it works,these habits stem from internal dysregulation and worry, rather than logic.
3. They assume the worst, even without evidence
Even when they’re in an abundant season of life and are getting a raise or building up a savings account, many people raised without enough money always expect it to follow them. Their minds are wired to expect the worst, keeping them stuck in a state of survival, even when they very obviously don’t need to be.
Often this means making life harder than it needs to be to curate a huge safety cushion just in case. They often sacrifice for years and then feel too much fear or anxiety to ever actually indulge or spend that money.
4. They avoid talking about money, even to their spouse
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Avoiding conversations about money doesn’t solve someone’s problems or make it easier to deal with. But people from unstable households who’ve learned to associate money with all kinds of negative and intense emotions will often do anything to avoid these conversations.
This becomes a major problem once they're married, as people need to be able to have regular, calm, honest conversations and make plans around money together. If they cannot, resentment and dishonesty can easily start to build.
Unfortunately, the spouse that was raised with money issues often feels controlled when talking about money, unless their partner always agrees. Being told to spend a little more or a little less can be incredibly triggering for them if they're white-knuckling their finances due to past experiences with their families.
5. They feel guilty for resting, even when they need it
Growing up with parents who worked incredibly hard but still struggled financially may instill an unhealthy need to always be moving inside their children. They’re used to watching parents work until their breaking points, usually because they had no other choice, and ultimately tied their self-worth to their money situation.
As adults, this survival mindset may still live on, making rest a guilt-ridden practice, rather than a relaxing one. It's almost like they're on a hamster wheel, constantly thinking about money and how to get more of it or make it more secure. Rest, to them, means potential earnings lost.
6. They obsessively compare the price of everything
Frugality isn’t a bad thing, but when it stems from childhood trauma that makes people feel like they have to sacrifice to feel secure or internally good, it can be. Instead of getting a box of See's Candies for a treat or gift, they'll hit the clearance section at the grocery store and keep it in the freezer, even if they had plenty of money to buy the high-quality option.
This sounds like a cute little quirk, but if it’s taking up a lot of someone’s time and energy when it’s unnecessary, this seemingly harmless habits can become maladaptive, almost like an obsession. Worse, it can drive away those closest to you who don't want to haggle the price of every single thing.
Again, shopping for the best price on a car or washing machine (or buying the floor sample to save money) is a normal, healthy thing to do. But when it becomes obsessive, it's a problem.
7. They avoid making any big financial decisions
Avoidance is a common defense mechanism for people with childhood trauma, because it often feels easier to avoid the thing causing stress and strain than to face it head-on. However, as a 2005 study explains, avoidance only creates more stress and anxiety over time, even if it feels like a relief in the moment.
For someone who grew up feeling insecure with money, avoiding big financial decisions may be how they prioritize immediate comfort over actually making a smart momey decision. However, they’re only setting themselves up for more internal tension as that decision will just linger in the back of their minds.
8. They blame themselves for not always knowing the right choice
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Many people who weave their self-worth with their financial status tend to be more negative, self-deprecating, and ashamed. Especially if they’re struggling to feel secure and have past trauma around money, the more money problems arise, the harsher they are on themselves.
While payday might bring relief and help them to feel more secure emotionally, when they start struggling with bills again, or something triggers their childhood anxieties, it’s back to shame and blame. This becomes a spiral, and can trigger avoidance, which we already discussed often just makes things worse.
Hopefully, people who grew up feeling like there was never enough can recognize that this is a foundational trauma for a child and get the support they need to start taking some deep, calming breaths when it comes to money. That doesn't mean they'll start spending like Daddy Warbucks, but hopefully they can turn down the intensity and feel more at-peace.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
