One Thing Healthy Couples Do That Pretty Much Nobody Would Suspect

Every time you feel this way, you probably worry. Maybe you don't have to.

Boyfriend doubting your relationship Tima Miroshnichenko, ppnmm | Canva

What if I told you that it's normal for your partner to experience doubts and fears about being with you and that this could be healthy and exactly what you need to experience and deal with before you spend the rest of your lives together? And what if I told you it's actually good that you have your doubts and questions, too?

Would you be willing to accept that and find a way to understand how you both can learn and grow from this?


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Three reasons healthy couples doubt their relationship sometimes 

1. Doubt happens in close, connected relationships

Open and honest relationships have many challenges, doubts, phases, and fears in them. They have more challenges because both people are truly open and honest about who they are, and what they're feeling.

@youloveandyoulearn Replying to @nikolina.stanfel I love love. I think love is beautiful, special, and absolutely essential to our life. It's just this one-size-fits-all relationship advice that isn't helping us. #relationshipanxiety #relationships #relationship ♬ original sound - Sarah | Relationship Anxiety

The difference is how both people in the relationship accept, understand, and deal with these "realities." Do you panic and create more emotional uncertainty and negative disconnected feelings? Or, are you calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a person know things aren't difficult and tiresome with you? Some people already have a challenge with expressing emotion and doubt can increase emotional suppression. Your calm confidence in them and your relationship will help build a closer connection.


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2. One thing you don't want to do if they are having doubts

There's something people do in relationships that can kill attraction and lead to a complete breakdown in communication. When a person starts to doubt a relationship, their partner will often try to tell them why they shouldn't have these doubts. They'll tell their partner all the reasons they make a great couple and why they should stay together.

She Gives The Eye of Doubt About Their Relationship Creatista via Shutterstock


This kind of convincing behavior is almost guaranteed to backfire. Why? Because it's natural for humans to resist when something or someone is trying to push them down a certain path. People thrive when they can conclude without outside pressure.

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3. Doubting a relationship is good for your future together

Their doubt signals they are taking the situation seriously. They are considering the future and what it might hold. They are likely also wondering if they are truly the right person for you.

Doubt is an emotional mechanism for confronting our fears, discomforts, and challenges in relationships. If they never doubt you or your relationship, this could be a warning sign you could be taken for granted or not respected in your relationship.

@therapyjeff Watch out for those unexpected doubts in your relationship when you take a bigger step in commitment. #datingadvice #relationshiptips #mentalhealth #therapy #marriage ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff

As much as it feels awful, I know from experience that everyone is a relationship has to deal with their fears, discomforts, and challenges when they begin to weave their lives closer together, especially when they make huge changes in their lives like an engagement and living together.

Most people like to think a relationship should almost always feel comfortable, safe, and easy. They have the subconscious belief couples in good, long-term committed relationships are just "lucky" enough to find that magic person who eliminates all the resistance, obstacles, and challenges other couples experience. But the opposite is true.

For now, take comfort in their doubt and reassure them without being dismissive or trying to convince them. In this way, a relationship can be like good writing. You want to show, not tell. Show them how their doubt can be resolved without telling them how to feel.


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Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.