8 Ways People Learn To Protect Themselves After A Breakup That Left Soul-Deep Scars
Zura Modebadze | Pexels After a really terrible breakup that left deep scars, the most important thing to not do is try to get your ex back. No matter why you broke up, spare yourself more hurt feelings. Also, be sure not to psych yourself out, talk poorly about yourself, mope in excess, date too soon afterward, or not rely on your support system of friends and family.
Now is a good time to use that support system, especially your closest friends. “Gather your gal-pals around for a ‘welcome to the rest of my life’ party," relationship coach Deborath Roth suggests. "Don’t spend too much time venting about what a jerk your ex is; instead, let everyone remind you of your best, most fabulous qualities. Just the boost your wounded heart needs right now.”
Here are eight ways people learn to protect themselves after a break-up that left soul-deep scars:
1. Don't send long-winded emails or text messages, drunk or sober
Write them out and delete them, or send them to a trusted friend and talk about them. You're likely feeling quite a few conflicting or negative emotions, and sending them all in real time will only help you lose credibility.
2. Don't make any drastic changes to your appearance
Joshua Mcknight / Pexels
Want a new lipstick or to try a new nail color? Go for it. Thinking of chopping your hair or dyeing your hair black from blond? Wait 90 days (and try on a wig first).
3. Don't become a super-angry and bitter breakup cliché
Yes, they may have screwed you over, lied to you, broken your heart, or betrayed your trust, but being angry with them isn't going to make them sorry or a better person. In fact, it will just make you unpleasant to be around, even if alone.
It's time to focus on filling your life with the things that make you happy and bring you joy, instead of on the reasons they deserve to be miserable.
4. Don't beg for them to come back
You're not only better than that, but you're also too smart for it. It never works and only makes you look like you don't value yourself. Someone who wants (and deserves) to be with you will fight for you, not argue against your desire to work things out.
5. Don't think in irrational absolutes
The worst thing you can do is sit on your couch and convince yourself that this is proof you will A) never find love, B) can't trust anyone, C) never meet anyone in time for ____, or D) die alone.
You don't have to unfriend them, but you can unfollow them or even tell them that you need to delete them until you're ready to be friends (if ever that happens). You'll likely be tempted to look and "see what they're up to" or go through their photos, which is emotional cutting at best.
7. Don't start filling in the blanks
If you notice that he has become friends with other women and likes photos, or you are hearing stories about who he's seeing, be sure not to start creating stories of romantic relationships in your head or taking fantasy as fact. Besides, remember what we said about his social media. Stop stalking.
8. Don't see the breakup as a failure
Lose the idea that you "failed." Ending a relationship that isn't right for you is a success that allows you the freedom to find one that is. “Let yourself mourn the loss of this relationship, whether it’s a good cry (maybe several) or journaling about what you’ll miss the most, but also what you’re glad to be leaving behind,” Roth recommends.
Brenda Della Casa is a self-development expert, writer, author, and speaker. Her articles and advice have been featured in Allure, Glamour, Men's Health, Huff Post, Cosmopolitan, and others.
