3 Unsexy Communication Habits The Strongest Relationships Always Have

Communication is more important than you know.

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Communication. Every couple knows it’s important and that we should be doing it more. And perhaps doing it better.

But have you ever stopped to wonder why communication in a healthy relationship is so essential?

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Why communication with your spouse or partner ensures intimacy, closeness, a more fulfilling relationship, and great sex?


At the beginning of relationships, intimacy is kind of a given. Little thought is put into creating it; it just sort of happens. There’s always time to enjoy a snuggle on the sofa, time to cook dinner together, time to share a bottle of wine, and time to have sex. A lot of sex.


Falling in love is one of the most intimate experiences, but when the passion dwindles — which it does for most of us around six months to two and half years into the — intimacy can turn into a hard project.

One for which we simply have no time or energy to work on. All of a sudden, it’s like intimacy can only be achieved by going to fancy restaurants, booking yourself into a spa facility, or going on a trip to Paris.

But intimacy doesn’t actually need to be fancy or expensive. There’s a much simpler solution right in the back of your pocket.

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Here are 3 unsexy communication habits the strongest relationships always have:

1. The type of communication that increases your sex drive

When you keep the lines of communication in the relationship open, your relationship is privy to constant evolution.


A relationship that changes and grows keeps you interested. The novelty you experience in an ever-changing relationship, be it sexual or nonsexual, is also great for your libido.

But a great sex life isn’t only dependent on novelty between the sheets. It also needs extra heat, which is in part caused by finding your partner or spouse intriguing and interesting outside of the bedroom.

You might be thinking, “But I like my relationship the way it is!” And maybe you do today, or tomorrow, or still for months to come.

But when your relationship stops growing, it becomes stale and boring. It stops feeding your soul and tending to your needs. Your partner stops revving up your sex drive, and sex turns into more of a project than a fun activity.


Relationships that don’t evolve run the risk of losing all intimacy.

2. The type of communication that betters your mental health

When communication in the relationship stops (or never actually starts) you stop being intimate.

Intimacy is a crucial part of being human. Not just because it’s “nice” or makes you feel good. Your need for intimacy is rooted in your DNA.

Your genetic makeup thrives on it because intimacy is a part of love, and love was what made sure you were a part of the group way back when you lived in the savannah.

If you weren’t loved and didn’t love, you ran the risk of being excluded from the group. And when you were left to be on your own, you were much more likely to die.


Nowadays in Western society, love and intimacy might not be as crucial to your physical survival. They are, however, still as important to your mental well-being.

This is partly because a lack of intimacy can, on a subconscious level, be misconstrued as a sign that you’re excluded from the group. Effectively, your brain thinks you’re going to die, leading to worry, anxiety, and depression.

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3. The type of communication makes you feel loved for who you truly are

When you don’t communicate with your spouse or partner, you don’t show who you truly are. And when you hide certain parts of yourself, you don’t get to experience being loved for your wholeness.


The only sides of yourself that are showered with love and affection are the “good” ones. The sides of yourself that you believe make you lovable.

This leads to you keeping your innermost feelings to yourself and the experience of love is kind of cut in half.

You distance yourself from your partner, whether you want to be or not, and you lose the intimacy you once shared.

Communication can be many things — a means to a boring end, like getting your partner to do the dishes. Or even a way of establishing boundaries, like telling your spouse you need space, or put simply, a way of creating intimacy.

Sex isn’t usually viewed as a way of keeping communication in the relationship alive. But sex is communication.


Whether it be purely bodily communication or a mixture of physical and conversational, having sex is letting one another know how much you enjoy them. It’s telling your partner you find them attractive, sexy, interesting, lovable, and comforting.

But sexual communication isn’t only the act in itself, it’s also the conversation about sex.

Talking about sex can be difficult. It can feel embarrassing and awkward, but if you’re willing to accept those feelings, over time the conversation can turn into an incredibly intimate experience.


By talking about your likes and dislikes, your fantasies and needs, you’re creating and sustaining intimacy again and again.

Communicating on a day-to-day basis is fundamental to your relationship. When you communicate you’re bonding with your partner. You’re sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

You’re letting them know about your fears and hopes, and, perhaps most importantly, you’re sharing the parts of yourself you let few others see. The parts you fear people will find annoying. The parts you secretly dislike or are deeply ashamed of.

When the lines of communication are open in your relationship, you’re constantly creating and sustaining intimacy, because communication is intimacy.


In order to keep your intimate connection going through the good times and the bad times, you need to keep communication in the relationship going — both sexually and platonically.

By communicating, you’re creating and sustaining intimacy. And in the end, intimacy is what relationships are all about.

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Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and writer with a Master of Science in Sexology. She’s been featured in Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, Babe, The Tab, Glamour, Sexography, The Minds Journal, and more.