5 Quiet Turning Points When Women Realized They’d Married The Wrong Person
These realizations crept in slowly until the truth was impossible to ignore.
CarlosBarquero | Shutterstock We'd all love to think we’ll find our Prince Charming and live happily ever after, but the reality is that we may not. Our wedding day may not be the end of the tale, and the story of our relationship may not be a happy one. For these wives, they ultimately realized they had married the wrong person.
Research suggests that women often carry a disproportionate amount of emotional labor, managing various aspects of the relationship and family life, leading to feelings of resentment and exhaustion. Before you take the plunge, read the cautionary tales of these women who did get married — and then came to understand that they shouldn't have.
Here are five quiet turning points when women realized they’d married the wrong person:
1. 'When he said I didn't understand him'
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“I got married very young. I was engaged at 19. However, my marriage was pretty okay until about five years in. My husband experienced a family tragedy and started being weird. He hid to smoke, and when I discovered it and asked why, he didn’t tell me, he said, 'Because you didn't ask.'
Not knowing highly specific things to ask, such as, 'Are you hiding from me and smoking cigarettes out of our bathroom window?' made me feel weird enough, but then he also told me that I didn’t understand him.
The only person who did understand him, he said, was his best friend from 7th grade, whom he communicated with maybe once every three years. We've been divorced for three years now.” — Emma T., 35
2. 'When he asked me to get the oil changed three days after I gave birth'
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"There were a few moments I realized getting married was a mistake:
A day after coming home from the hospital, having given birth to our first son via emergency C-section, he asked me to go get the oil changed on the car while he was playing PlayStation.
Or, my all-time favorite: When our firstborn was less than three months old, he quit his job in Greenwich, CT, and decided that he wanted to take our savings to become the 'Lawn King of the Hamptons.'
Only a week into his newfound career, he realized he's not good at manual labor, having shattered his only client's $3K Anderson glass sliding window by misusing a weed wacker. Oh, the men we marry when we are young and dumb." — Sheena W., 40
3. 'When I realized I felt nothing for him'
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"There were several strikes against my marriage that made it pretty obvious to outsiders that it was not going to succeed. I was very young when we married, only 18; he was 24.
He went from cheating on me in secret to openly having other girlfriends, and going back and forth between me and whoever the current one was, as 'he tried to figure things out.'
None of this, however, made me believe our marriage was a mistake. Even when I finally gave up on trying to make it work and filed for divorce, I didn't think it had been a mistake. It wasn't until a few years down the road that I realized it.
A group of us were talking, and the subject of exes came up. I said how I had no hate, no dislike, no anger, no love — no feelings whatsoever — towards my ex. What I felt for him was the same as I would feel for any stranger I met on the street — I wish him well in life.
The only time I felt anything was on behalf of my kids, and the fact that he has never been in their lives. Then I finally realized that I had married him for all the wrong reasons.
If I had married him because I was madly in love and couldn't imagine a future without him, then some residual feeling would always remain, even after I had moved on. If and when I ever marry again, I hope that I will be clear-headed and mature enough to know that this time I'm doing it for the right reasons and doing it for the last time." — Lindsay J, 36
4. 'When he needed serious help and refused to get it'
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"I came home from the honeymoon, and I couldn't find him anywhere. I looked in my office, and he was underneath the desk, rocking in the fetal position.
'Why are you doing that?' 'I'm supposed to be on medication, you know.' 'How long has it been since you've taken it?' 'Five years or so...'" — Jen C., 27
5. 'When everything just felt wrong'
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“While stressful, planning a wedding should be an exciting time. It was during this process when I realized (or rather, realized again) that getting married was a bad idea.
The invitations felt contrived and forced. After finally settling on a design, the writing we chose just felt ... wrong.
There was no truth behind the beautiful words. Figuring out our first dance song was much the same: while every song's lyrics were touching and romantic, nothing really felt right. Every song I did like made me feel like a giant fraud, as if I were going through the motions without the emotions to back them up.
When one's heart just isn't in something, one's brain should rethink the choice being made.” — Rachael T., 41
Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyle writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications.
