3 Things Boomers Got Right About Marriage That Younger Generations Keep Getting Wrong
cottonbro studio | Canva Boomers did get a few things right about marriage.
That doesn't mean their marriages were perfect or that younger generations have it all wrong. But when it comes to building a successful marriage that lasts, older couples often understand three things younger couples can sometimes forget: emotional maturity matters, selfishness damages connection, and instant gratification can make normal rough patches feel like deal-breakers. A happy marriage isn't built on never having problems. It's built by two people who are willing to grow up, think beyond themselves, and keep showing up when the relationship needs work.
Here are the things Boomers got right about marriage that younger generations keep getting wrong:
1. Boomers understood that marriage takes emotional maturity
Some people never attain emotional maturity, no matter how many years they live. However, research from 2012 states that people typically become more emotionally mature as they age.
Some live by the saying, "I may grow old, but I refuse to grow up." When printed on a T-shirt, this is humorous, but when people take this attitude into their marriages, they set themselves and their relationships up for misery. This doesn't mean you must be serious all the time; it just means you cannot let your emotions rule you or affect your behavior toward your spouse.
Emotional maturity is what helps a person pause before snapping, admit when they're wrong, apologize without making excuses, and stay present during hard conversations instead of shutting down or storming off. That matters in marriage because every couple gets frustrated, hurt, bored, or disappointed at some point. Boomers may not have had perfect marriages, but many understood that love alone isn't enough to keep two people together. A marriage also needs two adults who are willing to regulate themselves, take responsibility, and keep growing, rather than expecting their spouse to absorb every bad mood.
2. They knew marriage couldn't survive a "me first" attitude
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Psst! Being self-centered is not the same as taking care of yourself. You must care for yourself to be fully present for your loved ones. Being selfish is all about the "me first" attitude. "My needs are more important than yours" is the rallying cry of the self-centered person.
These people tend to criticize and blame rather than examine their own behavior. A self-centered person may see nothing wrong with manipulating their spouse to get their way, dismissing their partner's feelings, or making choices that affect the whole family without thinking about the damage they cause.
That kind of selfishness is hard on a marriage because people need to feel like their partner actually sees them. Research has found that people tend to feel more satisfied in their relationships when they believe their partner understands, cares for, and appreciates them. In other words, marriage works better when both people feel considered. Boomers may not always have had the language for this, but many understood that a strong marriage cannot survive if one person always acts like the main character and treats their spouse as an accessory.
3. They were willing to wait for the good part
"I want it in 30 seconds, and I want it hot, tasty, and inexpensive." Since the advent of fast food, we seem to have become an instant gratification society. One study from 2015 indicates that instant gratification has made people more impulsive in their decision-making.
Some people complain about their marriage if everything is not perfect and to their liking. They think of their marriage as fast food, not fine dining. It becomes a disposable commodity instead of something to treasure and enjoy.
Marriage requires maintenance to be successful. It requires extra work if you engage in these damaging behaviors.
The good news is that you, too, can create a happier marriage if you are willing to begin with yourself. You can do it if you are willing to put in the time and energy to strengthen your marriage. And you don't have to do it alone. Relationship coaching or marriage counseling can help you create the happy and healthy marriage you've always wanted.
Michelle E Vasquez, LPC, MS, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over.
