5 Taboo Conversations To Have That Actually Improve Your Relationship

The only way to have the relationship is you want is by having these conversations.

Last updated on May 26, 2024

laying your cards on the table, taboo conversation topics that improve relationships Tony98, Miljan Živković | Canva

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, what are the types of conversations you should be having from the start? From taboo to scary to just plain awkward, there are things to talk about with the person you're dating that ensure a successful future relationship.

Here are 5 taboo conversations to have with a partner that actually improve your relationship:

1. Talk about your ex early on

This is a very important and revealing first-date story. I say story because you are going to present it strategically in order to illuminate three specific things about you: where were you, where are you, and where you are going? The key is to talk about your ex in a confident vulnerable way that isn’t angry, sad, or wistful. Don’t go on and on or it can feel like therapy. Make sure to tell your ex's story in a U-strategy — it is framed in the shape of the letter U. Start your story in positivity, drop down into vulnerability, and back up into positivity. Say something about what attracted you to your ex, what your relationship was like, when you noticed that there were problems, what you did to try to fix them, why it eventually ended, and what you did to heal and move on.

@ericleffler_ Do you want to be in your current relationship or do you want to keep reliving your old ones?Your current partner is not your ex.Your triggers are yours. People will continue to trigger you in the same way if you don’t do the work on yourself. But this doesn’t mean that all of the people in your life are the same. It means you keep getting triggered by the same things.#relationships #healingjourney #personalgrowth #movingon #lifecoach #healthymindset #breakthrough ♬ original sound - Eric | Club Heartbreak

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2. Share your political beliefs

Non-starters need to be talked about early on in a relationship. Politics may be one of yours. You can’t start something if there is a non-starter issue between you. If political beliefs and preferences are important to you, you need to address them. You do not want to waste your time or open your heart to someone who has a belief that you can’t change or ignore.

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3. Clarify your 'purpose' and your relationship goals

Do you just want to have fun? Or are you ready for something real? You date differently depending on your relationship purpose. If you want something real, you have to reveal that. By saying that you are in a place where you are ready to find a real relationship that could lead to marriage and children, you aren’t saying "I want to marry you", all you are doing is checking that they are on the same relationship trajectory as you are.

4. Discuss whether the person is officially your boyfriend or girlfriend

Everyone dreads this question. But do you know what’s even more dreadful? Imagine that you’ve been dating someone for several months, you’ve met friends, you’re sleeping together, and you’re starting to refer to her as your girlfriend or boyfriend. But they, on the other hand, have no idea about this title and are still juggling multiple dates a week with other people.


It’s not necessarily because they're a player or a bad person, it’s simply that you haven’t had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk. Relationships are about clarity through conversation. Stop assuming that you’re in a relationship until you have this essential, but often deemed 'taboo' conversation. Everyone has their own beliefs and expectations when it comes to what threshold determines titled commitment. Clarity and communication are key in order to avoid a misunderstanding. 

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5. Talk about mistakes and areas of shame

Showing your ugly side is an essential relationship step if you want something real. This is a heart-opening conversation that can immediately deepen and expand your relationship. When you talk about regrets and mistakes you have made in your past, you’re tapping real emotions and exposing your humanity. But it’s not just reporting on what you did wrong, it’s about what made you realize it was a mistake, what you learned from it, and how you’re different or more evolved because of it. How you handle conflict and hardships, and how you pull yourself back up from them says a lot about you.


Personally, I want to be with someone who I know that if and when life’s natural dramas come up, we can maneuver through and out of it together. All five of these conversations are often referred to as so taboo that they shouldn't be had until you're well into dating (if at all). But those old rules of dating secrets are dated and don't build a foundation of authenticity. Stop wasting your time on people who aren't your type when it comes to relationship longevity. If you're ready for something real, then get real and start talking and asking the right questions — right now. 

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Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and a writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, The Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets.