The #1 Secret To Dating Happiness Is Actually Pretty Obvious

Photo: LazingBee | Юлия Хвощ | svetikd | Getty Images / NEOSiAM 2021 | Pexels
Happy coupe drinking coffee

Some people are too selfish to ever find dating happiness. Let me explain why. All dating seems to be for so many people dumping their issues on someone else. So many people try to find the "perfect" person, even when none of us can be perfect.

People go into dating without even having the basic relationship skills to make a relationship work. We seem to skip understanding each other and just create a story about what we want.

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"I want to be married. I want to have kids. I want to live in the suburbs."

We seem to spin this story, and then get into a relationship with someone without knowing whether they want the same things. Egos can kill a relationship. Self-centered behaviors, lack of communication skills, and selfishness all kill relationships. Think about it. We meet someone we think is great, but then we don't know how to make it work.

We're not as loving or understanding as we need to be to that person, and we expect them to accept it. We don't listen as much as we should. We just expect someone. It's great when we just expect someone to accept us and don't do a thing about it. All that happens is we end up fighting and that person gets frustrated. They tell us not to go into defense mode. Then we battle. Then the relationship ends and we blame it on each other for what went wrong.

I want to tell you a pretty amazing story about a friend of mine. Tyler, who works for me is married. Holding hands isn't his thing. In fact, he's not into physical touch at all. But his wife, and the mother of his kid, loves it.

The other day he said to me, "You know. My wife loves it so much that whenever we walk into Whole Foods or anywhere else together, I make sure I hold her hand even though it's not important to me. I know how important it is to her, and for that reason, I enjoy it. I've really learned to enjoy it."



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That's what love should be. That's what relationships are all about. Relationships are about dropping the gloves, listening to what your partner wants, and fulfilling that for them. If you look at our needs and desires, they're pretty simple. We're not like little children where we need to be cleaned up after all the time. I know there are some big man babies out there that act as if they need cleaning up but you know what I mean.

The next time you're in a relationship, think about what the person needs. Discover what makes them happy and give it to them.

Whatever it might be, make sure you do it. You might find out like Tyler my friend, that you actually enjoy it. You'll learn and you'll grow as a person. It's not hard to learn how to make your relationship work if you take the time to listen. When two people aren't speaking each other's love language, or filling their love fuel tanks, they're going to battle.



We really are that simple. We're just like giant children running around, just slightly less demanding. Kids are demanding all the time. "I need this, I want water, I went to the bathroom and need you to wipe me. I need you to take me to bed!"

Can you imagine a relationship like that with an adult?

It would drive you nuts. You put up with it if it's your children because that's your job. You do things with an open heart because you brought the kid into the world. You want to make sure your child is happy.

But your lover? No.

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You won't do the little things. So many people won't put themselves out, and that's why relationships fail. You work so hard to find someone amazing. So many people work on the skills they need to attract someone, but they don't work on the skills they need to KEEP them. That's what is really sad. There are so many great people out there looking for love.

You know I'm always talking about having an abundant mindset, but in reality, how many people will you meet in life who will truly blow you away? Maybe a handful if you're lucky. If you're in a relationship right now, or just getting close to someone, I want you to think very hard, "What can I do to make this relationship work?"

It's much easier than making a child happy because as adults we should be less demanding, and more appreciative. Granted, when I slave after my daughter she says thank you once in a while. She knows I appreciate it, but I don't look for it. She gives me everything I need in her own way. But would two adults do that for each other?

The sky is the limit in a relationship. The beauty you can create and the love you can create is immeasurable. Love can be magical. You work so hard to find it, why wouldn't you work hard to keep it? Think about that if you're in a relationship now.

Do you have the skills to make this relationship stick?

Remember every relationship that failed, did so because two people didn't fulfill each other's needs. There is no individual to blame when a relationship ends. I know your ego doesn't want to believe that, but it's the truth when it comes to relationship breakdown. I want you to think about this one carefully folks.

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David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.