6 Reasons Texting Before The First Date Is A Major Turn-Off

Hold back and let them look forward to meeting you.

Last updated on May 21, 2024

woman looking at phone, texting Smiljana Aleksic | Canva

You're anticipating a first date. You've got their cell number and you've got fingers. So, therefore, it's time to check in a couple gazillion times between now and Friday.

WRONG. Aside from confirming the location and time, and maybe a "looking forward to seeing you" text, you've got to restrain yourself. You're going to kill the date before it even happens.

Here are 6 reasons why texting before the first date is a major turn-off.

1. You're going to bore them silly

You don’t don't know each other. It's not interesting to get regular check-ins from a stranger. It might feel good to have someone to text, "good morning" and "good night" to. But after a while, that exciting newness will wear off because you don’t care enough about each other yet to know they slept well or are home safe from work and getting ready to sleep.


She is texting before the first date Studio Romantic via Shutterstock

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2. You'll be spoiling the anticipation

If someone's hungry and you give them a few bites of cake, then a few more, and then a few more, they're no longer hungry. This will be them in the days leading up to your date if you keep shooting them texts. Let them feel excited about meeting you and in the meantime, cool it. If you start texting incessantly, you diffuse and dilute the anticipation and they may even end up canceling.


3. They will feel you're texting to be entertained

What a drag. Amid their busy day, you keep writing "What's up?" If they don't have time to stop and explain, they'll feel you're being a nuisance. Don't make them think it's their job to entertain or distract you because you're bored. That, in itself, is boring.

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4. They cannot provide you comfort. You're still a stranger

“I’m having such a bad day. How are you?” Ugh! Way to bring down the mood! Or “Just wanted to say hi.” Um, OK, “Hi back.” These are intimate check-ins that should only happen down the road when you know each other well. Knowing that someone is thinking about you might give you a feeling of comfort at the moment, but it's inappropriately familiar with someone you haven't met yet.

5. Texts can lead to confusion

You wanted to seem funny, sarcastic, witty, or ironic instead you come across as rude, awkward, offensive, or just confusing. Until you know each other’s way of thinking and speaking, your texts, which don't have your voice and body language, are easily misconstrued.


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6. Texting may lead to more

It's way too easy to go from fun to flirty to intimate undertones to too much. While exciting, it also gives the wrong impression and can accidentally maneuver your budding romance from a path of sweet, substantive, and real, to hot, fireworks, explosion — then nothing. You're an intimate being and, yes, flirting is fun! But there's plenty of time after you meet to see if you like each other in person, and allow your relationship to naturally progress.

@catcantrill Stop texting before your first date. 🙅🏼‍♀️ Too much info before you meet can destroy connection. #dating #datingadvice #datingtips #matchmaker #matchmaker #texting ♬ original sound - Cat Cantrill

Once the relationship is a bit more established, those “Hey, thinking of you,” “Good morning! Waking up to you in my mind puts a smile on my face,” or “Sweet dreams, sweetheart,” are all very welcome, comforting and appreciated because you know and truly care for each other.


In the meantime, hold back, let them look forward to meeting you. Have a great first date!

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Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and a writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, The Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets.