3 Psychological Games Men Play To Test The Women They Love

Photo: Vladimir Konoplev from Pexels
psychological games men play test women they love

Why do men test women? According to Robert Creeley who wrote a poem called "For Love," it may have to do with the uncontrollable ambiguity of the sensation of falling in love.

Why would a man play psychological games to test a woman he loves?

Perhaps men test women because they feel helpless, and they do so to see if his flaws will make you walk away.

The first three stanzas of Robert Creeley's poem states, “Yesterday I wanted to speak of it, that sense above the others to me important because all that I know derives from what it teaches me. Today, what is it that is finally so helpless, different, despairs of its own statement, wants to turn away, endlessly to turn away.”

He is speaking about how the feeling of love is ever-changing and how it is completely indescribable until the feeling changes. Then he goes on to say how this understanding makes him feel helpless, and that helplessness can sometimes make you want to denounce your feelings altogether.

RELATED: If He Pushed You Away Just As You Got Close, He Might Have A Legitimate Phobia

Love in a Biblical sense can be an active choice, i.e. love thy neighbor and such passages. But romantic love isn’t a choice, and that's what makes it scary. It happens to us more than it is something that we create. It is completely out of our control. That’s what Creeley is talking about when he speaks of the feeling of helplessness.

No one likes to feel helpless. None of us want to sit back and let things happen to us. Especially when it comes to feeling as powerful as love. Love is so possessive and paramount that once it finally overtakes us, its fleeting nature can leave us fearful of losing it.

We forget how we once lived, never knowing its conquering embrace. How do we protect ourselves from the possibility of this loss? Men and women have been trying to navigate these feelings for centuries.

If this feeling of love is crucial to our existence, why do we act as if it is completely disposable?

RELATED: 13 Lies People Who Are Terrified Of Love Tell Themselves (And You!)

Why are we ashamed of this feeling we have no control over? Do we play these games with one another? Who can be the most aloof? Do you love me enough? How can I get you to prove your love to me?

It is women who usually are associated with the reputation of testing their partners and playing these games. But it is really an equally balanced back and forth between genders, questioning each other, but being too insecure about our insecurities to be forthright in our pursuit of the security we hope to find.

It would be easy to say that men use psychological tricks us by pressuring us into sexual promiscuity. While this can be true in certain instances, this would be denying women their own sexual desires.

Men will test women by playing to their insecurities. It is a manipulative game that is usually played unintentionally, or without a proper understanding of one's own motivation.

RELATED: 6 Ways People Sabotage Relationships Because They're Afraid Of A Broken Heart 

Here are some common ways a man may use psychological games to test a woman that he loves:

1. He fails to call when he says he will.

Let's say for example, that your boyfriend says he is going to call you later before bed. You wait up an extra hour but the phone never rings. This is a moment where you can feel tested by your man.

You try to step in time to the delicate dance you think he is choreographing, careful not to move too quickly or too slowly in response.

Do you yell at him and demand an explanation? Do you mention it in jest, flirting that he is so forgetful? Do you not bring it up at all.

One thing you have to keep in mind is that the snub of the forgotten phone call likely isn't intentional. The likely reason is that he fell asleep watching TV, or that he got busy and lost track of time, or that he forgot. Your response to this should be gauged on pattern and motivation.

If he always calls you and didn't just this one time, perhaps it is not worth mentioning. If he is constantly forgetting and blowing you off, perhaps you need to evaluate if he is making your relationship a priority.

You must also measure the level of trust you have in your partner. Why does it bother you that he forgot to call?

Do you think he didn't call, because he was with someone else? Is there something he did to allude to the prospect of his unfaithfulness? Or are you carrying around your own insecurities about being mistreated, and are you projecting these feelings on him.

RELATED: 10 Signs A Master Manipulator Is Trying To Control You

2. He excludes you from things he's doing.

Another way you could feel tested in your relationship is if you feel like an isolated part of his life.

Perhaps you haven't met his friends or his family. Perhaps you two have a routine; you only go to specific places on specific days.

Perhaps you feel like he is hiding you. If this is the case, it certainly requires an immediate discussion.

No one deserves to be made to feel like their partners' guilty pleasure. It can make us feel needy and vulnerable to expose our insecurities this way, which can silence us. But if your partner is a true partner, they likely don't realize they are making you feel this way.

If cloaking your relationship is intentional, then you can reevaluate if that is the kind of relationship you want to be in. Don't let your partner's insecurities become your own.

RELATED: 15 Men Share The Biggest Problems In Their Romantic Relationships

3. He tells everyone your business.

Conversely, your partner can be too public with your relationship.

Perhaps he is sharing too much of your personal lives on social media, or maybe he is way too interested in PDA. Maybe he says, "I love you" too quickly. But sometimes his overzealousness can prove to be a test for you.

In these moments you have to weigh your relationship timetable against the sentiment he is portraying. Do you have strong feelings for him? Is it too soon or are you just scared?

Are you afraid of his strong feelings because you feel like you don't deserve such a big love?

Are you turned off by his big feelings for you, because if he finds you so easy to love so quickly, then something must be wrong with him?

If you have analyzed your relationship and decided that perhaps he is coming on too strongly, it is time to let this one go.

You can talk to him about PDA and keeping your relationship private. These are ego hits sometimes, but you can move past them in a relationship. But if you don't love him, or you don't love him enough, it is your responsibility to let him go.

RELATED: 6 Twisted Things Master Manipulators Do In Relationships

The ways that men can test us are the same ways we can test men.

All tests are psychological tricks and games are rooted in insecurity. We want to see how deeply our counterpoint cares for us, without ever showing our hand. But all of these occurrences are acts of manipulation. As soon as we let manipulation enter into our relationships, we open the door for trust to sneak out.&

While some people may not say a lot about testing each other romantically, it does say quite a bit about honesty and trusting your partner.

The best way to feel secure in your relationship is to take stock of who you want your partner to be for you and use that to become the best partner you can be for them.

RELATED: 16 Warning Signs You're Dealing With An Evil Person

Kaitlin Kaiser is a writer who covers astrology, spirituality, love and relationship topics.